Feeling replaced
“How could I have been replaced so quickly!” my friend Beth wondered.
We were discussing her husband’s soon-to-be new wife; she felt shock and disbelief as to how he could find a new “serious” partner so soon after their divorce.
Our ex-spouses’ new partners was the focus of discussion one afternoon with my friends and I, while keeping Beth company. Her children were out—at their father’s (and Beth’s ex-husband’s) wedding.
While none of us were jealous or angry about our ex’s new partners, we all certainly had different feelings about the matter.
Mary, the introspective one in the group, had a very objective opinion. She was happy for her ex’s new union and actually felt “lucky.” Her reasons were practical: “I didn’t think that my ex could handle the kids on his own, his girlfriend is a nice person and is good to the kids.”
Trying to see the positive
Mary looked at it as a bonus because she saw it as another pair of hands who could be nurturing and positively influence the father of her children to be a better role model.
While Beth wanted out of her marriage, she did feel a little sad. Yes, she admitted, the new woman was kind and nice too – but she felt cheated. This new woman had something that she didn’t - a lifestyle of “not having to work and being looked after."
Jan Tanzer, a marriage and family therapist in Toronto, agrees that the emotions experienced when your ex has a new partner are wide ranging.
“Some people feel relieved when their ex has a new partner and it isn’t always difficult for them to accept this.” Nor is it always about being replaced. But, what people need to look at are their own personal issues and how this can affect other relationships.
