When your ex has someone new

Comments

• olgacamp wrote:

  2008-11-22 9:42 PM

  That's true that different people have different emotions after breaking up with their partners. I remember how surprised I was, when, years ago, my best friend was telling me about her relations with her ex husband and his new wife. They actually used to meet quite often for certain occasions. Then, after my two divorces, I find myself on friendly terms with my both exes. I believe it's important that we maintain good relations with former husbands, especially when the kids are involved (and now in my case - grandchildren).

• Dandi wrote:

  2008-11-23 9:25 PM

  Everyone should have access to this article!! The ex in my life, has been an ex for 5 years... and I still don't think she's over my husband! She is bitter and evil... and she poisons the minds of the children! She twists things around and truly, she needs help --- I wonder if she subscribes to this magazine?? She should! Way to go More! for talking about things not too many people want to talk about!!

• singledad wrote:

  2009-01-02 3:58 PM

  This is a great article. I’m involved in lots of single dad support systems, and I’ve seen and heard the same thing time and time again-- When dad finds a new woman, mom doesn’t like it. Visitation is often cut off, mom brainwashes the kids-- It almost always ends up going back to court for dealing with all the different ways mom acts out her hostility. It’s a rule of thumb among responsible single dads to wait as long as you can before you find a new woman, and when you do, keep it on the down low as long as possible. Why? Because nine times out of ten, mom is going to wig out. And it usually doesn’t matter if she’s carried on herself, it’s like dad isn’t allowed to be happy. It’s incredibly pervasive, and the hostility is a nightmare to dad, his new family and most importantly, to the kids. So it’s great to see this article. It’s good for everybody. Thanks! Liam

• Ireri wrote:

  2009-01-26 1:26 PM

  Funny, i'm just going thru this right now. I have a wonderful guy in my life who I love and i'm very lucky to have him, but I never knew that I would feel so hurt as I just found out my "ex" is starting to date. I Want him to be happy and Yes why not, I do hope he does find a good woman..but the hurt I feel right now, is so big and painful it's very hard to bear at times. The hurt is because I feel that someone else is going to have the easy part of having what I always wanted and it didn't work out...a marriage with all the ups and downs, the "for better or for worse". I hope that he apreciates and realizes that we are very lucky to get a second chance. I know i'm greiving , because it's like death..I know i'll be over it because I have to, for my own sanity and sake of my boys and because I have that second chance also and NO, I would never be a mind controlling witch to my kids, why hurt them that way? just for my own revenge? for what? not worth it. I think that, even though it's hard for me right now to say this...I feel that eventually and hopefully if we can all get along, just like my ex and I are doing for the boys and if we put the past exactly where it belongs..in the past..there's always a good begining for him and his new partner and me and my now partner.

• hedster wrote:

  2009-01-27 6:23 PM

  i am working on a healthier attitude about the new woman, but it's very hard. I was shocked when my ex wanted out of our marriage. I thought his job was more stressful than normal. Turns out not quite the case. However, he left a couple years ago, and i found out a few months ago he' been with a young girl from work almost since the time he left... keeping it secret from his kids, me and everyone else. I think it's more about me not getting past the almost certainty that she's "the other woman" and not simply a case of him finding happiness again after months on his own.

• ConcernedCitizen wrote:

  2009-01-29 5:23 PM

  “Getting back at him” IS abuse, and society must start viewing it as abuse, and not "well, he deserved it". Isn't that what we call "blaming the victim"? If a woman throws a man's belongings into the front yard, that should be viewed as an act of abuse, and frowned upon, but out society would see humour in that action. Again, praising abuse and camouflaging it as something humorous and acceptable. If someone else's happiness hurts you, you DO NOT have the right to become abusive towards them. I have a co-worker who separated from his wife for 10 years ago, and since the kids have since grown they agreed to finally divorce. He was a great Father and a nice guy, being in their lives (one child lived with him from the age of 12), and being financially responsible (he paid child support for both kids and she kept everything). But once they started down the divorce path, she turned on him, and is now abusing the system to paint him as a horrible man who should pay big. Originally they were just going to divorce and go their own ways. Now she wants lots of money from him, which would push his retirement off many, many years if not decades (he must cash in all his RRSP's, home equity, and more). And our legal system supports this abuse and adds to the absurdity by blaming the real victim and dragging his good name through the mud. “Getting back at him” IS abuse and we need society to finally recognize this as abuse and to take a stand and stop this abuse.

• deblew wrote:

  2009-05-23 9:25 PM

  I feel betrayed and abandoned. I felt like I had been freed after our divorce, but two years later, I have realized my ex has had his very young girlfriend from shortly after our separation if not before. I feel like I gave him the best years of my life and two kids. he treats me badly still and tells me I am not good enough. I have not found any one else to date. I have looked a bit but nothing comes of it. I feel like no one would ever want to be with me so why am I bothering. I try not think this way but it creeps up on me sometimes.