Taking back the matchmaking reins
In fact, all of it is too much: the massive, brightly lit, scarcely peopled, garish restaurant; the touching; the questions; his litany; and too much butter rub on my steak. I simply can't wait to get home. My date, whose tests I have apparently aced, ends our dinner by showing me photos of his kids and inviting me to Bermuda to spend some quality time together. I thank him but decline. The next day, I open my email to a letter full of compliments and future plans. "I'm just beginning to realize the potential of us." He asks me to reconsider a trip with him.
This is all too familiar. A few years ago, I met a drop-dead gorgeous, wealthy, artistic and intelligent man who invited me to his southern U.S. retreat. I kept refusing until my best friend asked, "What if this is your big chance?" He paid for everything: the flights, our extravagant meals, the pricey bottles of wine. He said he had no expectations and that it wasn't just sex he was after. He told me he was looking for a wife, that he had grown tired of travelling alone and wanted a companion, but halfway through the weekend I sensed he'd decided I wouldn't be the one. Probably he was just looking for sex and paid for it handsomely. This is why it's a no-brainer to say no to this man, his Bermuda offer and our alleged "potential." I've always done the infatuation and sex part of a relationship well; it's the inspection for marriageability that rattles me. I don't want to submit myself to either this time around.
A few weeks after our date, the agency emailed to say the gentleman had found a successful match, and his file was closed. I'm not sure if he rejected me or I rejected him. Maybe I adopted an attitude of self-sabotage from the start, but all I could see was his loneliness and his attempts to ease it by buying my attention and affection, all the while protesting that the women in his life never see past his money. The experience left me feeling lonely for both of us and hoping he really did find his match.
I hope I find mine too, although I think I'll take back the matchmaking reins.
More tales from matchmakers: Avra Goldenblatt gives up on cougar speed dating and tries a matchmaker. Feeling lost? Try our midlife dating guide!
This article originally appeared in the November 2009 issue of More
