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    (36 people)

I married myself

The decision to hostess her own unwedding wasn't about a desire for fancy china or matching luggage; it was about honouring her status as a single woman

Updated:
2010-03-23 12:09
Published:
2008-11-29 16:22
By:
Cynthia Brouse

Happily ever after

Despite the potentially campy take on the institution of marriage, in no way was I trying to disparage it; I invited all the couples — including my 51-years-married parents and an aunt and uncle who’d been married for 61 — to dance to an old tune I’d always dreamed of having played at my wedding, “True Love” by the McGuire Sisters. As it happened, among the pairs on the dance floor that night were several gay couples, including a male cousin and his spouse, who told me that my unwedding party marked the first occasion in their 22-year partnership that they had danced together in public. Providing a safe and accepting place for them to do that was the highlight of the night for me.

I sat out the couples’ dance, and ended up hugging and crying with a friend in her seventies whose husband had died just a few weeks before. Although she had enjoyed a wonderful marriage to a great guy, I did not, to my surprise, feel envious of her or any of the couples on the dance floor. Five years ago, I think an unwedding party would have seemed to me the height of self-pity — and some of my guests may have been motivated by pity to attend. Yet that night I felt contented with my lot, and was thrilled to be surrounded and honoured by people from every phase and corner of my life, several of whom flew in from a great distance, paid for hotel rooms, dressed up for the occasion and even brought their kids.

I don’t feel that sense of contentment every day; I go through phases during which I struggle under a crushing load of loneliness, fear and the certainty that I’m a failure. Sadly, I know plenty of married people who go through similar phases. In the end, life is what it is — why not celebrate when we can? On what turned out to be the most important night of my life, I was simply pointing out that human beings deserve to be honoured in all their varied circumstances, and that single people have a significant role to play within families and communities.

Happily ever after

When a teenage friend who attended later wrote me to say that my party had shown her she didn’t need to snag any old boyfriend just for the sake of having one, I knew I’d done the right thing. Surely if singlehood weren’t perceived as a fate worse than death, if singles weren’t excluded and infantilized and pitied, fewer people would feel compelled by terror to become involved in unsuitable matches, and everyone would be a lot happier.

As I later described my unwedding to a young former co-worker who’d recently moved to Montreal and couldn’t attend, he said, “Damn, I wish I’d been there.” And then he ventured that he had kind of proved my point. “I’ve travelled back to Toronto several times this past summer for various friends’ weddings,” he admitted sheepishly. “But I didn’t make the effort to go to yours.” I reassured him — I’m not a long-time pal of his from school, it wasn’t a real wedding, anyway — but I loved that he got it.

In the future, when my niece and nephews grow up and leave their parents’ homes, I’d like to throw “showers” for them, whether they’re leaving to get married, to go away to school or simply to live independently. There’s more than one way to become an adult.

This article originally appeared in the November 2008 issue of More

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Pagination Documents

Page 1:
A little inspiration
Page 2:
Congratulations, you didn't marry the wrong guy
Page 3:
Unwedding
Page 4:
Happily ever after

Comments

  • SherylC's avatar SherylC wrote:

    2008-12-02 2:39 PM

    This is a funny topic - while I was cheering Cynthia on, I still felt slightly uncomfortable with the idea. I am 46 and not married - but I have never thought that a marriage ceremony would be important to my sense of self. I have a very good friend who got married for the first time in September at the age of 51 - and I was enthralled to see how happy and thrilled both she and her partner of 11-years were feeling. She did the whole traditional thing - in an elegant, refined and tasteful manner - tossed her bouquet, and gushed about how it was the happiest day of her life! I think this all comes down to what our culture has identified as 'normal' - and I still had very strong feelings of happiness, glee and true pride reading about Cynthia's marriage to herself event. Why not take time to celebrate what we have, and share it with those we care about? This is a lovely story - but I think some will need to adjust to the idea before they start participating themselves!
  • SOULMATE4U2008's avatar SOULMATE4U2008 wrote:

    2009-01-02 7:55 PM

    ITS A WOMEN THOUGHTS THAT BOTHER MOST OF US GUYS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MEET MISS RIGHT LIKE I DID AND WAS TO POLITE TO ASK HER HER NAME NOW 5 MONTHS LATER AND YES THERE WAS A CONNECTION A VERY SERIOUS ONE THATS LEFT MY OLD LIFE WELL BEHIND IN YEARS IN ESSANCE I WAS REBORN THAT DAY THE WOMEN MY PAST LIFE WIFE THE REASON NO ONE KNOWS BUT ITS HELL TO FIND A WOMEN WITH NO NAME JUST A PICTURE THAT MY CAMERA CAUGHT AS SHE WAS SITTING ACROSS FROM ME WTITTING IN A NOTE PAD ON THAT WARM JULY 28TH DAY OF 2008 IM STILL SEARCHING FOR HER TO THIS VERY DAY IVE SPENT THOUSANDS I DONT HAVE JUST TO TELL MY DEAR PAST WIFE IM SORRY FOR WHAT HAPPENED IN OUR PAST LIFE BUT WERE HERE NOW LETS ENJOY IT I,LL NEVER GET THE CHANCE TO LOOK INTO THOSE EYES AGAIN UNLESS BY SOME MIRACLE CHANCE JUST SPREADS HER WINGS AND SAYS OK HES SUFFERED ENOUGH NOW ITS TIME TO MEET THE MAN YOU ONCE LOVED IM LAWRENCE GATES AND THIS IS A TRUE STORY THANK YOU FOR READING IT
  • Singularity's avatar Singularity wrote:

    2009-01-24 1:00 AM

    I knew I chose the screen name Singularity for a reason! Thanks to Cynthia for this article and to Bella DePaulo for her book, which I will now dash out and get. Like Cynthia, I am in my 50s and never have married. Unlike Cynthia, I got the china, crystal, etc. because my family and friends didn't have any idea what you give to the first university graduate in the family. I still have it, and use it for special occasions. I tried getting engaged once - luckily for me my fiance showed his true colours long before the wedding date. I enjoyed my 30s immensely, lots of relationships, mostly lighthearted, and lots of travel: six trips to England, then France, Holland, all over the USA, South Korea for eight months and a jaunt to Japan, all in one decade! Wahoo! I made friends then that I have kept for life, thanks to the internet and e-mail. Work has been up and down, but it was never my reason for existing anyway. I'm slowly building a home-based business for myself and my future. No more layoffs for me. I still hope to get married someday, for the right reasons: companionship and a partner to care for, and shared lives to the end. My role models these days are two wildly successful singles: Oprah Winfrey and Queen Latifah. All the best to all of you who are happy with your life as it is, married or single. Happiness is where you find it or make it. It's not a lottery prize.
  • Bucking Trends's avatar Bucking Trends wrote:

    2009-01-24 2:34 PM

    A most enlightening story! I too am living with the stigma of being "broken" since I remain single at 37. My mom can't quite understand that I have chosen to be on my own: no more toxic relationships, freedom to do what I want when I want, my choices are my own on all matters, and I don't have to share my closet space (LOL). I am very proud of what I've accomplished on my own - some couples never achieve what I've been able to do for myself. I'm an independent, intelligent and strong woman. I refuse to "dumb down" in an effort to not scare men away (a suggestion my mom actually provided to me a number of years ago). It's most definitely a deeply entrenched societal belief that you're not "normal" if you're not in a relationship, which is sad since most people never really get to know themselves before they involve someone else in their life. While I do miss the possible sharing a life/companionship part, I'd rather be single and happy than end up settling for a relationship where I'm unhappy just to be perceived as "normal."
  • maris's avatar maris wrote:

    2009-01-25 6:38 PM

    I chanced on Cynthia's article, read it through and I loved it. I am a single woman on the threshold of her 65th birthday. I have been single most of my life and for the past 20 years have loved it. I did marry when I was 31, lost my husband after only 22 months of marriage and had a son out of this union. I recall my mother fretting when I was about 24 and single - I should find a man, settle down, blah, blah, blah. At that time my reply was that in today's world a woman does not need a man to be a person of worth. Most of us women are well educated with good jobs, careers and diverse enough interests to chase away boredom and pity-parties. Thas is the case for me. After I raised my son and he went on his own I took back my time. I travelled, worked in Europe, Asia and Micronesia. I travel alone or join organized tours. I do not feel out place in a posh restaurant eating a good dinner and enjoying a glass of wine if I have no companion. I do believe if women get married to have a companion then they should purchase a dog. The only living thing that will give them unconditional love and devotion. While I would not organize an unwedding party for myself, I do celebrate my singleness every day.
  • GiuliaM's avatar GiuliaM wrote:

    2009-01-26 9:44 AM

    Brava!!!! I always jokingly said that I would throw myself a wedding and finally collect what I had gifted to others in the past. I am now 45 years old, mother (by adoption) of a wonderful little 7 year old girl, whe was 8½ months old when I got her. I have pushed 'My Wedding' plans back, but this article has rekindled that flame. I was always told I was, 'too picky', 'it wasn't going to get any better as I got older' and the best 'do not lose hope, you can still find mister right'. I must say I held on to those words, but at the same time wonder 'how normal am I... no man wants, me.' Truth be told, I had plenty of opportunities, but no man set my heart aflutter and I DO NOT just want to settle. So I say BRAVA!! I am glad, no happy to know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me.
  • Elonwy's avatar Elonwy wrote:

    2009-01-29 10:00 AM

    Ugh...another notch in the post for everyone who thinks it's not normal for a woman to be of a certain age (30...40...50...whatever) and be single. No one looks at men who are single and wonders why their not married this is a defective gene only women have. I don't know whether it's low self esteem or jealousy or just women who have this stupid idea of what life is supposed to be like (I'll get married at ??? age and then have a baby boy and then 2 baby girls and a white house and blah, blah, blah) but it's getting quite sad. If I ever get an invitation for someone who is having a solo wedding the only gift they'll get from me is the name of a good therapist. Thank goodness I know I'm a whole person and I don't need thnese stupid rituals in my life to make it complete. I guess if you simply can't function in life without having exactly what your friends have then go for it and be happy. But don't call it a wedding, and remember, half of the time they're jealous of you being single. I'm assuming this because if you're not happy being you I figure you're hanging out with women as insecure as you are. BTW....I'm also in my 40's and single and loving every minute of it. If you're in it for gists, buy a house and have a house warming. I cleaned up without having to concoct a little nuthouse worthy fairytale.
  • SINGLE LOVING IT's avatar SINGLE LOVING IT wrote:

    2009-01-29 1:37 PM

    I'm 32 yrs old and single. My family can't seem to understand why I don't feel the need to marry and have children. I'm an aunt to 9 nephews and I spoil them like they're my own, only difference is that I can send them home when they get on my nerves. People still can't seem to understand that not all women feel the need for marriage and children, that life for us as single women is fulfilling in its own way.
  • ConcernedCitizen's avatar ConcernedCitizen wrote:

    2009-01-29 3:22 PM

    Sorry to burst your bubble Elonwy, but men get the same if not worse treatment. Try to get that promotion as a single man, or worse a divorced man. Not gonna happen. "If you can't commit to a family, then you can't commit to this company". Plus, if you are above a certain age and not married or divorce, then you are most certainly a selfish chauvinistic pig or you are gay. That is a great emasculating stigma for a straight man to have to live with, the fact that people perceive you as a woman in a man's body. Or the fact that you are enjoying being a single man and the beauty of wild nature that comes along with that lifestyle means that you hate women. Society is stupid. The world is set up for men to settle down with one woman, which goes against a male's nature. It is a great sacrifice men make to enter a relationship with one woman. So, in reality, single men are the environmental movement and living green, since they are closer to nature and natural human lifestyle than anyone who is married.
  • johnnyandsara's avatar johnnyandsara wrote:

    2009-01-29 9:03 PM

    WOW....This lady is Narssistic... in this planet marries themself? Thats just so weired....This world cannot survive on Narssistic people! Take the song Song "The Outsider" by a perfect circle....I dedicate it to her. Medicated, drama queen, picture perfect, numb belligerence Narcissistic, drama queen, craving fame and all its decadence
  • libertybelle's avatar libertybelle wrote:

    2009-12-06 10:17 PM

    "The world cannot survive on Narcisistic people." Oh, Puhleeze... with all the humans on this planet (how many billions now?) there's no chance of the human species disappearing. Polar bears, maybe, but not people. Loved the un-wedding! ;)
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