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Flirting 101

Even at our age, flawless flirtation doesn’t always come naturally. So Cheryl Hawkes decided to seek help

Updated:
2010-03-25 10:49
Published:
2008-09-27 00:00
By:
Cheryl Hawkes

Getting the flirt on

Emboldened by her words, I decide on an exercise. I will execute a full-frontal flirt. I will find a suitable target — a stranger — put myself in his path and say something really flirtatious, something bold that would have made my eyes roll in a previous life.

For weeks, I look for an opportunity. I have worked out a possible scenario with the muscular guy in my kettlebells class — the one who can lift the heaviest-handled iron ball with one hand, from a sitting position. But he’s away the week I’m planning to flirt with him — and a bunch of newcomers in the suddenly all-female class hog the lightest weights, leaving me flirtless and pumping more iron than planned.  

Then one morning, while walking the dog, an opportunity presents itself.

Taking the plunge

A handsome West Indian man walks out of his house, whistling tunefully, as my schnauzer wanders onto his lawn to sniff the grass. He stops the melody and whistles to the dog, trying to call her over.

“Nice dog,” he says. 

A light goes on in my head.

Nice whistling,” I say. I lock eyes, smile confidently, walk away and then glance back at the man twice, just to make sure he understands what just happened.

He walks back into his house, whistling a tune again, his shoulders straighter now, a light smile on his face. 

Bull’s eye.

I’ve made my peace with flirting. I’ve decided to do it — now that I understand it. This may work better for me in my fifties and beyond than it ever did before. 

I’m looking forward to the day I hear, “My grandmother is such a flirt!” I fantasize about staying in my home in downtown Toronto long into old age, without the slightest intention of selling, entertaining handsome young real estate agents. We’ll flirt all afternoon, and they’ll leave wondering if they’ll get the listing. Or maybe I’ll be left to flirt in the hallway of some nursing home.

I just plan on staying connected to my femininity — whatever the environment. Maybe Coco and I will have lunch occasionally and update each other. Maybe, someday, I’ll be able to give her some flirting tips.

This article originally appeared in the October 2008 issue of More

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Pagination Documents

Page 1:
Top tips to flirt by
Page 2:
Making progress
Page 3:
Getting the flirt on

Comments

  • SallyMB's avatar SallyMB wrote:

    2008-10-12 6:50 PM

    Eeven those of us perfectly contented with our marriage enjoy engaging in a little flirtation. It puts a bounce in the step of the typically "average" men being flirted with, and also puts a smile on the face of those of us doing the flirting. It's fun, and is a real morale boost when the object of our glances flirts back.
  • alexanderkeith's avatar alexanderkeith wrote:

    2008-10-14 8:02 PM

    if you are in a committed relationship, i don't believe there is such a thing as engaging in "harmless" flirting with another potential mate. "practice" in flirting, as with practice in any activity, leads to an ease and comfort in the activity which may encourage some people to cross boundaries that otherwise may have been more firmly set. flirting with your significant other is great! just don't delude yourself into thinking that it's "healthy" and "normal" to flirt with other people than the one you are with. it's okay to go against the "flow" that society portrays as normal and healthy. honestly, would you want your lover to engage in that behaviour with someone other than you? (or would you rather just be on the receiving end of all the fun and excitement??)
  • Lilyann's avatar Lilyann wrote:

    2008-12-18 8:47 AM

    typical male response
  • Jen Murray's avatar Jen Murray wrote:

    2009-01-20 2:17 PM

    I find it interesting how men can flirt whenever they want, with whomever they want, and it's called being 'charming' and is a desired trait in men. Yet when women do the exact same thing it's purely sexual and something that is discouraged unless you are on the prowl. I find flirting harmless; it can be used for good and evil just like everything else. My favourite analogy: For me, flirting with a cute man is like admiring a nice painting at a gallery; just because you appreciate the painting and like looking at it doesn't mean you intend to buy it and bring it home.
  • joannems's avatar joannems wrote:

    2009-01-27 4:08 PM

    I agree...just 'cause your're on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu. I guess I just feel confident enough to know that it doesn't matter what activities you engage in, if you want to stray, you will. Flirting isn't the catalyst to make that happen.
  • Survey's avatar Survey wrote:

    2009-02-11 5:20 PM

    I agree with Alexander Keith. Once you become comfortable with playing the flirting game while you are in a relationship.... your significant other is not going to feel as special. Redirecting all your flirting energy towards the person you truly love is the best recipe for a long-lasting and exciting relationship.
  • mistechal's avatar mistechal wrote:

    2009-03-20 1:23 PM

    I agree with Survey. In fact I used the same words when I recently broke up with a man I was very fond of. An incorrigible flirt, I told him that I just didn't feel 'special' amongst his gang of girls that he flirts with. His reply was... "well I'm with YOU and not them, that should make you feel special I then told him that I felt it was time to say good bye.. So flirt at your own risk !
  • watcher55's avatar watcher55 wrote:

    2009-03-30 2:22 AM

    I agree also with Survey. I feel really unattractive when my husband flirts with women in front of me. He tries to say he isn't flirting and just being friendly but he has to remember that he use to to do that to me some thirty nine years ago and yes I still remember his flirting techniques.I don't know if he does believe he's being just friendly or not but it doesn't make me feel special either.
  • Charlotte's avatar Charlotte wrote:

    2009-03-31 3:40 PM

    I think some people missed the point of the article... The author is obviously single, so of course she's going to flirt, and it's not a bad thing. If you're with someone then no, it's not ok to flirt with other people if it makes your partner uncomfortable. Some people might be ok with their partner flirting, and really, almost everyone flirts with the opposite sex at some point, in a relationship or not. But as soon as it becomes a problem for either partner, it has to stop.
  • ducky123's avatar ducky123 wrote:

    2009-04-20 2:51 AM

    Could it be that flirting is a sign of something that is missing in your relationship! Perhaps a sense of adventure or danger or being on the edge that makes you all James Bondish or Lara Crofty
  • Spirit Seeker's avatar Spirit Seeker wrote:

    2009-08-13 5:27 AM

    All smiles for you! You must have been clicking your heels as you spent the day recalling that moment and probably grinning from ear to ear " I did it!" : Wait till all these recepients start flirting back - congratulations on diving in and believing in yourself !
  • Justine's avatar Justine wrote:

    2009-11-12 6:19 AM

    my husband tells me he loves me and that I am the most beautiful woman in the world, that I am his sole mate. he is romantic and caring. Yet when we go out with freind s to a party or Dinner. He directs his attention and the other women. Fussing over wether they are warm enough, rubbing their backs and looking at them in the way he looks at me when we are being very romantic. Now every time he starts to be romantic with me I feel repulsed that it means nothing. Not sure where I can go from here?
  • minxy's avatar minxy wrote:

    2009-11-22 11:50 PM

    It all depends on your relationship with your partner. If you are friends first and then lovers, each of you will understand and appreciate that both of you need space. Always voice your concerns to each other and ensure that boundaries are made in the flirting department. Maybe both agreee to not flirt around each other as long as it doesn't proceed to the next level. Honesty is a key ingredient in any relationship. Friendship with your spouse is very important as well.
  • Jennie911's avatar Jennie911 wrote:

    2010-02-05 9:10 PM

    I am the biggest flirt & love it! I don't know why, but I am more confident in myself than I did when I were 20. Guys love to flirt with me as i think it all has to do with eye-contact! Sometimes causes trouble between my g'friends & I. My spouse has no problem with it, so why should I??
  • jjack2's avatar jjack2 wrote:

    2010-08-06 2:06 PM

    Flirting can be quite damaging to a relationship. Recently on a trip to Costa Rica with my boyfriend, whom is also a flirt, obviously made flirtatious motions of some sort to a beautiful 26 something. The next four days of our holiday was spent being followed by her everywhere we went at out all inclusive resort. It turned out to be the worst holiday of my life. If he would not have done the flirting to begin with she would have known to back off and that he was happy with me. By the way I am 48!
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