Dealing with unhappy holidays

Everywhere you look it seems people are happy. Television ads show families clustered around Christmas trees opening presents or Mom hoisting a massive turkey onto a table surrounded by happy faces. As you walk along the streets, Menorahs or decorated trees shine in people's homes. Where are you? You're sitting by yourself nursing a diet soft drink and you and your remote are wondering why your life isn't imitating TV. The holidays—whether it's Christmas or Hanukah—can be a depressing time for many.

When sadness intrudes on holiday cheer

Esther Kniznik, mother of seven kids in Toronto, lost her husband a year and a half ago. "My husband loved the holidays because everyone would come to our house. He enjoyed sitting at the head of the table and hearing all of the stuff going on with the kids and grandkids."

Kniznik's tradition had been to invite her kids over for latkes and to receive presents, but last year she gave her kids their presents privately instead. "It was more a sad than happy time. We'd had 37 years together with my husband and every holiday is a reminder that we're missing him." This year her kids plan to organize the celebration which Kniznik hopes will make it easier.

Psychologist Kim Busch from the Calgary Counselling Centre explains, "Whatever is going on in your life can be made more difficult by the holidays, whether you've experienced a death, divorce or a lost job." She says that's because there are so many expectations around the holiday season.

However, rather than pretending nothing's wrong, she suggests acknowledging that it's going to be different and likely difficult. She suggests creating new traditions, especially if there's been a death or divorce. "The old family traditions might not work so well, so create something new and unique for the people who are there."

But it doesn't take a life-altering event to make the holidays difficult.