How to spy on your lover

Your husband or boyfriend gets a phone call and before you can ask "Who was that?" he's off to the store to buy some milk—which is weird because you just went grocery shopping. Or he returns from jogging with nary a trace of sweat on his brow. Are you dealing with a cheater? He's likely not going to tell you and a private investigator will set you back thousands of dollars. So why not do your own spy work?

Ursula Lebana, owner of Spytech with stores in London, Toronto and Ottawa, says there are a host of spy gadgets these days that make it easier than ever to catch a cheater. "Last week, I had a woman who was very upset—she figured her husband was cheating. So she purchased a semen detection kit."

Lebana says the Checkmate Infidelity Test kit is usually the first one people, male or female, pick up. "You can test underwear, bed sheets, car seats, you name it."

Toronto marital therapist Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem suggests if you are suspicious use whatever it takes to find out if your loved one is cheating. "If you notice a change in their behaviour or if you have a gut feeling it's best to find out what's going on."

Focus your efforts with spyware

Experts advise that you begin your amateur sleuthing by concentrating on one specific area. The computer is a great place to start, especially with dating sites like AshleyMadison.com tailored to philandering married folk.

Lebana recommends investing in a program like Spector Pro Spyware (www.Spector.com) that can be installed in a computer. It acts just like a VCR and records everything from screenshots to emails and websites.

Get the car on your radar

Finding out where a lover is going in the car is also essential in tracking down an unfaithful partner. In these days of GPS trackers, it's easier than ever but Lebana cautions that you're only allowed to install one on your own car, not someone else's.

However, if you have one on the family car and you want to check out any little ‘trips' she advises, "Go to the manufacturers website, log in and it will tell you where the vehicle is now and where it's been."

Next page: Should you spy?

Video, not audio

Voice recorders aren't as popular because at least one person has to know that the conversation is being recorded. That doesn't help if you're trying to catch your husband talking to his girlfriend.

However, mini-cameras are all the rage with a host of different kinds. Lebana says, "They're tiny—some are as small as the size of a quarter. People can fit them into wall clocks, motion or smoke detectors. Set up a trap by installing one, then say you're going to visit your mother and see what's really going on in your home when you're not there."

Sweep your area

When you're laying traps for a cheater remember that these days technology also allows the spied upon to turn the tables on spies. Radio frequency detectors like the Zap Checker Radio Frequency Meter and camera detectors Spy Finder Camera Detector can suss out spy equipment. The camera detectors reflect a lens so they can turn up the best hidden cameras.

The moral quandary

Is it wrong to spy on a spouse? Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem says it's vital to know the truth. "A cheater can be putting your financial and physical safety in jeopardy. A man could be bringing home diseases or emptying bank accounts and shifting money. Knowing what's going on and where things are is self preservation."

Usually the best detector is your own intuition. Says Lebana, "Eighty per cent of the time when someone suspects something, they're right."

Who's Watching Whom?

The tables can be turned: Many men have a watchful eye on their gals too. No one knows that better than Betty*, 57. "When I was married, I'd be speaking on my cell phone in my car and my husband could recite my conversations word for word. I later discovered he'd put voice-activated tape recorders in my car, in a drawer in the bedroom and one in the pocket of his bathrobe in the bathroom." From then on when Betty spoke with friends on her phone or in the car she always praised her husband, instructing her friends not to say anything negative.

* Name changed by request

Is your partner cheating? You're not alone: Meet one woman who's trying to make it work following her husband's affair and another woman whose husband left her for a man. Men aren't the only ones who cheat: Women who cheated on their husbands and women who left their husbands for other women.

This article is original content on More.ca