The drifting years
It used to be simple (well, or almost): finish school, get a job, get married—all within a few years.
But today's young men are spending an increasing amount of time drifting through a period sociologist Michael Kimmel has dubbed "Guyland" in his book of the same name. Kimmel wrote the book after interviewing almost 400 young men on campuses across the United States.
For parents looking for some insight into the inner lives of young men—not always easy to penetrate—Guyland is a fascinating read. Although the context Kimmel provides with statistics and analysis is useful, I found the quotes from the young men themselves to be some of the strongest material in the book, if occasionally disturbing.
Guyland is not an especially pretty place—full of drunken rituals, "hooking up" with girls as a way to prove one's manhood to other men, and even violence against women as a rite of passage. Dishearteningly, it is also a world bereft of connection to older adults.
I had to chance to interview Kimmel, so I asked him to provide a tour of Guyland geared towards mothers of young men. Here's what he thought you should know:
What is Guyland?
The easiest way to explain it is to talk about the difference between this generation [of youth] and previous ones: First, This generation of young people will live longer than any other before it—well into their 90s. They are delaying marriage until into their 30s. This gives them a decade gap between finishing school and taking on the traditional trappings of adult life. In this period between 18 and 28, they have virtually no adult supervision.
Second, this is an over-parented generation, micromanaged and in soccer and trombone lessons basically since birth. Then the parents drop them off at college campuses. Colleges have been moving away from the concept of in loco parentis [taking on the role of parents]—when I was in school, there were rules in the dorm that if there was a girl in your room, you had to have your door open and at least three feet on the floor. But now there's a vacuum, with no adult supervision at all.
Next: How to help your child through the "guyland" years.
Other articles of interest: The long-term scars of bullying; When kids move home.
