The holiday party: No problem!

The assignment came in: write about holiday party horror stories. “Piece of cake,” I thought and sent out a wide-reaching query to my network, requesting they to pass it on to their network, asking for everybody’s tales of woe.

I sat back and waited to be swamped with replies. I anticipated sipping a cup of tea while being regaled with stories of misbehaviour, poor judgment and overindulgence.

Instead, nothing.

The replies arrived but they were all along the following lines: “Sorry, I haven’t had any horror stories. Enjoy your holidays!”

Which got me to thinking. Maybe there’s a reason the 40-plus crowd (or at least those I know) don’t have terrible holiday party tales to share. Maybe this is a concrete example of experience bringing wisdom; the wisdom not to consume six martinis on an empty stomach at the company holiday party, the wisdom not to engage your brother-in-law in a political discussion over Christmas dinner, the wisdom to know your limits – or at least most of them.

So, OK, maybe you manage to avoid downright disasters, but the holidays take more out of you than you’d like. Or possibly you do have a horror story hidden somewhere in your past. Either way, we’ve got some tips to help ease your way through the celebrations of this festive season.

Ann Max, productivity specialist and author of Deck the Halls with Matzoh Balls, a holiday planning handbook, says there are some common pitfalls to avoid in this hectic season of holiday celebrations.

Great Expectations

The thing most likely to sabotage any celebration says Max, is an unrealistically high level of expectation. “It’s that time of year where everyone wants to excel,” she says. “Tensions are very high and emotions are very high.”

Max says people put pressure on themselves to please everybody, to get along with everybody and to do everything right.

“You save it all up for this time of year,” she says. “That’s not the best thing to do. You really have to lower your expectations.”

Planning too much…or not enough

While we tend to think bad parties are the result of poor planning – and Max doesn’t deny underplanning can be a problem – it’s also possible to overplan.

“People tend to go really overboard,” Max says. “They tend to spend too much; they tend to plan too extensively. They make 10 desserts instead of just having an apple pie.”

Max cites the example of one woman whose pleasure at having her family over for Christmas dinner quickly turned to stress and anxiety as each family member in turn requested his or her own personal favourite dish.

“She said, ‘I love doing Christmas, I love cooking but everybody’s got a favourite,’” Max says. “So I said to her ‘Why? You’re doing this why?’ She’s going into the task already stressed out and not enjoying herself when she really should be.”

To make sure you’re planning what you should, Max recommends doing a walk-through in advance, imagining you’re a guest and deciding which details are vital (where do I put my coat? Can I move easily around the buffet table?) and which are not (having the house spotlessly clean).

“I had an aunt who used to come in with white gloves – she was a real witch – and she used to take her finger and push it under the mantel,” Max says. “Well, we’re past those days. A lot of us feel it has to be spic and span; well you know what? It doesn’t. You should save that till after because it’s a real mess after.”

Behind the Scenes

A holiday party can be doomed before it even gets started by the state of mind of the hostess, Max says.

Max recalls her own mother’s tension spreading to the rest of the family on the day of a party. “I remember my mother telling my father: ‘You take your shower at six in the morning because after seven I’m washing the bathroom and the towels are going to be fresh and you’re not allowed in there.’”

Max’s main message? Communicate. As a bonus, if you tell people what you need to get done they might actually be able to help you!

Make do

All the planning, organizing and preparation in the world won’t keep last-minute disasters from happening. However, says Max, if you’re not overwhelmed you’ll be able to go with the flow when unforeseen problems arise.

“One night I made a Springform cake,” she says. “I remember a bunch of people all drove up and they were coming in for this party. I take the Springform cake out of the fridge and it falls on the floor and I scoop it up and I make it into a trifle in a bowl. And I remember one man coming up to me and he says to me "'That is the best trifle I have ever had. How did you make it?'"

Proof, says Max, that with the right attitude, “You can make do.”

Do you have stories of celebrations gone wrong? Have you been an overstressed hostess? Or do you sail through the holiday party season? Share your story in our forums.

This is original content on More.ca