Hot spots to consider
Tips for successfully blending families
Help kids adapt to the new family configuration Children will belong to two households/families; they need guidance to adjust to different set of rules, expectations, and systems.
Bonding takes time Don't expect children to love and adore each other or your new partner right away. In some cases, the best case scenario would be working towards courtesy and respect. Building caring relationships between children and their new step-parent/family is a process that requires time and patience.
Be open to discussion Creating opportunities for family discussions, problem-solving and negotiation helps children manage.
Prepare the family for a change Establishing new family patterns, rituals and traditions help children feel a sense of belonging and shared memories.
Understand the new relationship Clarifying roles, responsibilities and expectations in the blended family serves as a "road map" with strategies for building relationships and a solid framework for the family unit.
Develop a conflict resolution strategy Conflict is a part of all families. Combined families have more complex and diverse needs and emotions in dealing with conflict; a solid conflict resolution model helps to address these issues.
Demonstrate your love Children need reassurance that they are loved and are still a priority to their biological parent, as loyalty issues can arise.
Discipline your own, and step back for his children The general rule of thumb about discipline is that the biological parent is the one who guides the discipline for their own children when there are step-children living together. But within one household the rules need to be consistently applied for all children who live there—and there should not be two sets of rules.
Given that a high proportion of marriages end in divorce, a large number of people in their middle years again become available for marriage. It's a no wonder that almost half of Canadian families are "blended" and more than 81% of these families have children from the current union.
But the bottom line is what ever you call it—a step family, blended family, combined family—it's a newly reconfigured family unit. It takes time to bring this new family together, and it takes effort—just remember to resolve conflict, demonstrate love and find the fun.
From the More archives: Blended family finances. Still looking for Mr. Right? Tips for dating after divorce and everything you wanted to know about midlife dating.
Deborah Moskovitch is a divorce consultant and educator, and author of The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors and Other Experts. Deborah has become an opinion leader in the media and has shared her insights and research on television and radio to explain that divorce can be managed in smarter ways. To learn more visit thesmartdivorce.com
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