Leave the past where it belongs
If they can’t see eye to eye on something, “we give it a three-day cool-down period.” During that time, every family member expresses his or her view on paper. “That way you’ve thoroughly thought it through, and it’s no longer emotional and heated,” says Hulsman. Should anyone bring up ancient history, the others issue a gentle reminder: “That’s getting too personal. Let’s bring it back to the issue at hand.”
The key thing, says Gary Coskey, a family business adviser and executive professor at the Alberta Business Family Institute, is that the Hulsmans have a process meant to keep things friendly. That is particularly important in families, “because, I think, oftentimes there is no formalized process.” But it’s not enough to just think, while he’s still alive, about how a family biz should be run after his death — there needs to be a succession plan in place too. Start the process as early as possible. It takes five to 10 years just to have the plan implemented, Coskey advises. That way, the founder can establish a clear career path for successors to determine if they’ve got the ability to run the company. “In areas where they are lacking, they can get additional training and have senior management put in place temporarily,” he points out.
Estate debate
Meghan Fitzroy*, a 44-year-old Torontonian, gives full credit to her brother Lloyd Sutherland* for caring for their mom during the final Alzheimer’s-ravaged years of her life. During that time, Sutherland lived in their mother’s house and hired extra help to ensure Mom was well looked after. When the elderly woman had to be transferred to a nursing home, Sutherland picked a brand new, well-equipped (but pricey) home, and paid for additional caregivers out of the estate funds.
But two of his four siblings felt he was excessive in his expenditures, says Fitzroy. The two siblings regularly blasted Sutherland with critical emails. If their mom’s specs were dirty, they complained. “It was ridiculous,” Fitzroy says. In response, Sutherland stopped keeping them posted about what he was doing and why. Relations between them broke down, and the two sibs eventually took legal action.
Fitzroy, who strove to remain neutral, was yanked into the conflict by a phone call from her sister. “If you’re not with us, you’re against us,” the sister said. So, with great sadness, Fitzroy took a stand and supported her brother, who had acting power of attorney. Their mother has since died, but the rift in the family remains. The tragedy, says Fitzroy, is that at a time when family should be pulling together, “conflict severs relationships and you don’t have support when you need it.”
