Don’t be afraid to voice your desires
Other options might include a quick sale on the parents’ death (or even before) with the proceeds split among the kids, or random selection of a buyer from the eligible and interested siblings. For Neal, partitioning would have been the best option. But, she recalls, “I never fought for it when my mom was alive. I always felt it was her decision.” In retrospect, she says, that was a mistake.
Trying to work out some kind of compromise around the family cottage after your parents’ death? Start working early — before feelings begin to run high — to hash out the details of how costs and time will be shared, advises Neal. If you can’t agree, and all siblings are willing, opt for mediation to come up with a fair system — perhaps one sibling chooses a favoured time slot, after which the others take turns choosing weekends and weeks. You can alternate year by year. An additional safeguard: Put it in writing. As a courtesy, Neal informs her sister well in advance, by letter, when she is planning to be at the cottage.
The family business
Kimberly Hulsman, 44, and her brother and sister all work for the family giftware business in Stirling, Ont. Their father, who started the business 15 years ago, is CEO, while Hulsman is vice-president, her sister is president and her brother acts as head of distribution. It could be a recipe for disaster. After all, as Hulsman points out, “siblings know exactly what to say to piss you off.”
How to avoid strife The Hulsman family keeps things on an even keel by setting clear lines of responsibility and keeping the lines of communication open. “I would say we’re a close family,” says Hulsman. “We have our differences, but in the end that’s what makes this workable. None of us likes doing the same job.”
Each sibling maintains control in his or her own jurisdiction, she says, but if there is a major decision to be made — taking on a new product line, for example — they agree as a group. “It’s rare that one person would make a unilateral decision.” Business meetings are tightly focused, with an agenda, so everyone knows what’s up for discussion. Says Hulsman: “We all get a say on each item, and a chance to voice pros and cons. It’s not loosey-goosey.”
