Trouble ahead
Leanne Neal* love, love, loved the family cottage in Muskoka, Ont. “I am the third generation of my family to go there, and my son will be the fourth,” says the 50-year-old. But Neal’s younger sister had fond memories of the place too. Recognizing that, her father specified in his will that the sizable waterfront property should be subdivided. “It was his wish that we both get to enjoy it,” says Neal.
But after their father’s death, her sister persuaded their mom to change the terms of the will, arguing that they could share the property. That was an impossible dream. After their mother died, her sister moved into the cottage year-round. “She is not,” says Neal, “much of a housekeeper. She’s an ex-hippie type.” And yet, if Neal wanted to use the cottage, she had to put up with her sister…and all of her sister’s friends. She tried mediation, but got nowhere. Finally, she took the case to court. “It just wasn’t working,” she says. “I wanted legal partitioning.” Although the court agreed and made a judgment in Neal’s favour, her sister is appealing. The dispute has gone on for five years, and cost Neal about $97,000 in lawyer’s fees. In the meantime, to no one’s surprise, the sisters have stopped talking.
Think you and your siblings are above such nasty squabbles? Don’t be so sure, warns Les Kotzer, a Toronto wills and estates lawyer, with a special focus on avoiding family inheritance squabbles, and the co-author of The Family War: Winning the Inheritance Battle. He has seen families fight over everything from the family business to a Howdy Doody lunch box. Read on for some common sources of conflict, and ways to avoid or defuse it.
The family cottage
The family vacation property can become a battleground after a parent’s death, says Kotzer, mainly because of the emotional attachment that many sibs have for the place they spent weekends and holidays as children. Also, with prices for holiday properties going through the roof, grown children may not be able to afford to purchase their own cottage, or (even if the sibs are willing) to buy their brothers and sisters out.
How to avoid strife The key to familial peace: Discuss the situation while your parents are still healthy. If one child has a real connection to the place and the others hardly use it, a parent might offer the frequent user an opportunity to buy it from the estate, suggests Kotzer.
