Bully for you

Comments

• Sick Puppy wrote:

  2009-01-18 12:15 PM

  I read the article: "Bully for You" an though as a man, I saw myself returning back in time struggling with self esteem and self confidence issues which lasted for decades. This article made me emotional. I always thought I was never good enough, and believed most people would look the other way because I was not good enough. My next step in life was to be a perfectionist trying to reach success but never did I know that it was a life long struggle for self contentment, but more like a failure in everything. In 1991 I met a beautiful (body and mind) woman at work, a people's person. I never did ask her out because I felt I was going to smother her smile and happiness away. I had to quit my job as an aircraft mechanic for 23 years because I could not deal with crouds anymore and the social aspect of the job. Many times I wanted to hide, stay away from crowded places, because I felt I was in the way all of the time. I would never go voluntarily to social functions, Christmas parties, and meetings. I was terrorized at the thought of being picked by anyone to be placed at the front row. Bad memories of daily struggles were prominent in my mind. Those sad thoughts kept playing over and over, as I had difficulties finding the "stop" button. I have been taking anti-depressant medications for some time, I try to attend a weekly self esteem group session depending on my schedule. I feel better about myself now but I still have a long way to go past the struggles. Sick Puppy

• alexanmyasmom wrote:

  2009-01-18 8:15 PM

  my friends and i were bullied in highschool to the point of my friend being beaten up and to avoid going to court as a witness against the bully i tried to kill myself and ended up in hospital. this girl struck fear in everyone including her own friends. she ended up in jail once i finally went to court to testify against her. i think once i stood up to her and put her behind bars i finally found confidence in myself and was able to heal.

• Scoobie wrote:

  2009-01-19 4:29 AM

  I was bullied in school by both males and females, starting in around Gr. 4. until Gr.8. I seemed to never fit in with the in crowd and wasn't accepted much of the time. It wasn't until Highschool that things changed for me. As in Gr 8 I finally fought one of the bullies back! That seemed to stop the rest of them as well. As a Mother I witnessed bullying done to my Son, and tried to put an end to it. However, contacting the Parent's didn't help! I contacted them many times about the issue. It wasn't until my Son fought back that this bully was finally stopped! Sometimes fighting back is the only way to stop it! I don't normally believe in violence except in these rare occasions. My son went through being bullied by this kid for 12 years. They grew up together. I even threatened to file a police report on the kid; which I told to his Parent's. It did no good. I actually spoke to the Police about it as well. That didn't help much as all they told me I could do was the keep a Diary of all the times the bullying ws going on, with the dates and times attached. Yes, sometimes you have to fight back!

• Captskid wrote:

  2009-01-19 9:03 AM

  Was I bullied , you betcha ~ in public school it was " you're ugly & your mom dresses you funny ! ~ in high school it was " you can't possibly be his sister, he's so much better looking than you !

• mishka89 wrote:

  2009-01-19 9:45 AM

  Reading this article I felt as though I was reading about my own life! I was victimized by a so call "best friend" throughout my entire childhood and into young adulthood. I finally cut ties when I was an adult, itt took me that long! I was also bullied by the "mean girls" at school. I hated school, missing more days than attending. I'd wake up every morning dreading the day ahead. The leader moved into my neighbourhood several years ago & tried to reconnect with me. I tried to put my feelings aside but found I just couldn't. I realized she hadn't changed at all & her daughter who is in my daughters class is exactly the same. Luckily my daughter has very high self esteem and is a very confident girl (thank God!). It doesn't faze her one bit. I never told her how the mother treated me but finally did in an attempt to rationalize the daughters behaviour. This woman has no clue how she made me feel growning up and is imparting the same behaviour on her daughter and I find it very sad. I take no satisfaction that the daughter is not liked by most of her classmates. I've always instilled in my children to be kind to others as you don't as bullies typically suffer from low self esteem. I'm just glad I'm not the only one living with these feeling into adulthood, although I don't know if I'll ever get over it.

• AlissaM wrote:

  2009-01-19 11:26 AM

  I was able to identify with a lot of the examples of long-lasting effects of childhood bullying in this article. I tend to avoid relationships with women because I am overwhelmed with the anxiety of abandonment and I feel as though I can never fully trust them. In romantic relationships I never let anyone get too close because I don't trust them with my heart. I shut out my emotions and have iron-grip control on them and feel embarrassed if I ever breakdown. Luckily I am confident in myself and don't suffer from low self-esteem, but I still don't stick up for myself as much as I would like. I am not the doormat as I was as a child though, and my experience has granted me a thicker skin and the ability to deal with other things in my life. So in the end I would not change a thing because it has made me who I am today and I love the person I have become. So I thank all those who have ruined my childhood because they have brought me to where I am today and helped create the strong, confident individual I am now.

• Cafe6 wrote:

  2009-01-19 12:18 PM

  Hello, This article was a real kick in the gut for me. I was bullied both boys and girls from Elementary all throughout highschool. How I was able to get out of those years alive is still a wonder to me. Into adulthood, I was not bullied so much but I was often left out and felt awkward around my co-workers. In looking back my self-esteem was okay but I still suffered from the childhood scars in that I often had troubling memories coming back to me and what is even more weird is that I had dark thought s of people donig things to me that were not even true. I was making shit up in my head!!! Then in 2005, due to extreme pressures in my life in general, I had a nervous breakdown and serious depression and lost what little self esteem I had. Since 2006, I have slowly started to rebuild my self-esteem. I have a much more spiritual approach to life and through my readings and research have come to terms with some of the things that have happened to me. My next project is to work with Neuro-linguistic programming to remove some of the deep-set damage in my mind at a subconcious level.

• 48andgreat wrote:

  2009-01-21 4:04 PM

  A few years ago, I read the beginning of "Odd Girl Out" and started crying uncontrollably, I related so strongly to the situation and felt helpless to protect my daughter, who was then 8 and dealing with mild bullying. She did o.k., she's identified "real" friends and has done a number of self-esteem affirming things. But my younger daughter is caught in that cycle. She's part of a clique of girls who are changeable. And although I recognize that the "Queen Bee" is just a girl who's so insecure that she can only deal with friends by making them terrified that she'll turn against them, I hate what it does to my daughter, and watching her go through the emotional agony. Knowing that the bullied often turn into bullies is a fear for me. I wish there was an easy answer, but what I did with my first daughter, and will do with the second, is help them understand, and be a little cynical about, the cycle that the bullies put them through. One day they act like friends, and everything's great, and then suddenly they turn on you. Helping the girls distance themselves and get some perspective is hard, and slow, but I do think it pays off eventually. Also, have you ever noticed that the people who are the "Stars" in high school don't go anywhere? It's like they peak at that age, and then sink into mediocrity.

• ImagoDess wrote:

  2009-01-23 11:52 AM

  I am a solution oriented person and I wonder how we can stop bullying alltogether. We have all been affected by the meanies and some of us are still affected. What can we teach our kids? I hear my mom in my head saying "keep you hands to yourself" and have tried to teach my kids the same. How do we teach, "keep your frustration and powerlessness to yourself"? How do we teach kids compassion? Bullying is a vicious cycle engendered in the home. When our kids see and hear us ranting and angry at the world it frightens them and the fear they feel must come out somewhere. I guess that in the dog eat dog world of school, the strong survive and the not so strong get bullied. Wouldn't it be nice if we could show kids how to cope and feel enough compassion for those who cannot. Its hard to tell kids to be nice when they see us being mean. As parents we cannot continue to think our little darlings are just that,even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Somewhere down the line bullies feel a lack of personal power and so compensate by doing what is done to them. How do we teach our kids to feel good about themselves, without raising them to be entitled selfish jerks? Its a fine line. Hard to see when we can`t get past our own powerlessness.

• longlegs wrote:

  2010-04-14 10:05 AM

  I can related to this article and comments very much. I was bullied by both girls and guys starting as early as Grade 3. I was cornered in a girl's washroom while sitting on the toilet, by two girls. I was terrified!! I almost didn't get my pants up before running out the door. The boys were relentless, teasing me about being so skinny, and having no breasts (late bloomer). The girls were no less cruel. They teased me about everything. I was good at sports and music. I leaned on that heavily. I didn't go to the mall with the girls, or hang out with them. I went riding my bike, running, or walking my dog. My dog was my best friend for many years (grade 8 - 12). As an adult, I realize that most of the bullying was because they were jealous of me. I have many emotional scars from these traumas. My parents were no help at all! When my eldest daughter was bullied in grade 4, I stepped in and went to the teacher and principle. Nothing was done. It was put off as regular growing pains. This was in a Christian private school and I was paying tuition for it!!! I pulled her and her brothers out of that school and stared home schooling them all! All of my children and very tall and very thin compared to the average kid. I have to stand up for them, and let them know I will help protect them. I will not let my kids go through that abuse all alone!!

• SugarMoon2 wrote:

  2010-04-15 11:15 PM

  I strongly identified with this article. I was constantly bullied from K all the way Grade 12, mostly verbally, sometimes physically. I was always on the outside, looking in and wondering what the hell I did to keep me out of groups or even having one best friend. I had to see school counselors ad nauseum who advised me to try to like what they like and make an effort to fit in. When I did, the kids played cruel jokes on me, like inviting me to a party in Grade 11 and then when I got to the house where the party was being held, was told I wasn't welcomed. So I had a "lovely" half and hours walk home in the dark at winter time. When I arrived home, cold, with my cheeks still flaming red, my folks asked why I was home and I only muttered that I wasn't feeling well. Another time, four girls followed me home from school throwing stones and slush balls at me. School was the worst, I would pretend to be sick or I would skip my classes. One time, this kid named Martin Y. cornered me in the art room in Grade 8. I was against the wall facing inward to protect my face and breasts and other tender areas. He had a yardstick in his hand and hit me again and again on the butt asking me "How does it feel to know that no one will ever love you? You're going to f***ing alone all your life because you're an ugly b****!" Oh yea, and the yardstick had a nail at the end and it left several deep marks on me, scars that I carry to this day.