Responsible drinking
My August birthday closely precedes that new-notebook, sharpened-pencil time of year — a spark for new projects or a resumption of those left incomplete. Fall feels wide with possibility. I thought, why not get this part of my life under control? It sure wouldn’t hurt to be a better role model for my 16- and 19-year-old daughters, illustrating that life can be enjoyed sober.
As serendipity would have it, shortly after our summer sojourn, our close friends Robin and Cal invited Terry and me for a birthday celebration in my honour. I told Robin I was abstaining from drink. She leapt up, raced into her bedroom and retrieved Responsible Drinking: A Moderation Management Approach for Problem Drinkers. We had a great night, not at all diminished for me by abstinence. I loved it when, as I was cracking up at one of my own jokes, Cal said, “You certainly don’t seem to act any differently not drinking.”
The Thirty
I devoured Responsible Drinking that night when I got home. The book suggested a 30-day abstinence period referred to as “The Thirty.” It even sounded kind of jazzy: “I’m doin’ a Thirty.” The point is to be in control — contrary to the belief that problem drinkers are powerless over alcohol — to assess your drinking unclouded by, well, drinking, to rediscover how good life can be without booze as medication. Some people will decide after The Thirty that abstinence is the only way for them, while others will be successful in moderation. I confess to trying to moderate in the past, but it was always in the form of “I’ll cut back” with no sense of what that meant, no plan in place. Now I made it a priority.I began my Thirty.
Day 14 I was finding abstinence relatively easy until I met a friend at an art exhibit where the wine was lined up in straight rows, the glasses winking at me from the linen tablecloth. When I asked for soda water instead, my friend demanded immediately: “What’s up with that?”Day 15 The very next night, I was at a monthly writers’ event — same people — downing a mocktail of some sort. Again the questions. I’m starting to get the picture: People who know me are used to seeing a drink in my hand.
Day 22 Terry and I went for a quick bite before a play. I hemmed and hawed over my beverage choices. Terry: “It’s complicated deciding what to have when you’re not drinking.” I let his comment go, as I was too embarrassed to explain that it was really the opposite. Compared to the mental energy I used to spend on wondering whether I could fit in two drinks now, whether we could also have one at the play or would that look like too much, and whether we’d have another after —choosing between a soft drink and coffee was actually pretty easy.
