She can't stop
She’d never been before, but what was the risk? It was just a trip to the Casino de Montréal with a neighbour: two moms playing hooky from their responsibilities while their kids were in school, visiting an adult playground where lights flashed, machines rang and there was not a child in sight. Elizabeth dropped $20 that day playing the slot machines. One time, she thought, that’s it.
That was 10 years ago. In the interim, Elizabeth has struggled, sought help, slipped back into old habits, then struggled again. The longest she has managed to hold herself back from gambling is eight months.
“Elizabeth” is not her real name. Now in her mid-50s, she doesn’t want her real name used because she is too ashamed at what she has wrought with her life. But she wants other women to know how easy it is: What she considered a lark has turned into a nightmare that has caused her to plow through her savings, use up her credit and declare bankruptcy. And still, she can’t stop.
Even when she does something prosaic such as shop for groceries in her neighbourhood, she risks being caught up for a few minutes — or hours — in a nearby fast food restaurant, playing the video lottery terminals, or VLTs (the less glamorous cousins of flashy slot machines). She slips into a fugue state, not caring that she’ll have to pay the consequences afterwards. “My brain was primed that day at the casino,” she tells me. “It doesn’t make sense to me otherwise. I never was one to spend loosely. I want to cry when I get there and I want to cry when I leave. It’s just in between, I go to a place that I can’t control.”
“The only way I can describe it,” she continues, “is to compare it to making a call without thinking and a strange voice answers the phone, jarring you. It’s only afterwards you realize you’ve dialed the wrong number.”
Middle-aged women caught in the web
Elizabeth is one of legions of middle-aged women who find themselves caught in a web they never thought they’d be in. They are women who’ve never gambled before, who think “just once,” then “just one more time” until they’ve depleted their life savings, alienated their families and, in some cases, embezzled money and gone to prison. Consider the following posts to Women Helping Women, an online support network found at femalegamblers.org, which was started nine years ago because of a dearth of resources.
From Oregon: “I am 51 years old…and I have done things in this addiction that I never thought I would be capable of doing. I’ve lied, stolen, cheated and hurt the ones I love on numerous occasions."
From Michigan: “Day two of not gambling. Reading all your comments about writing bum checks and getting arrested has me scared. I have $1,800 to cover. Just wanted to say: No matter how guilty, shameful, depressed or scared we are, there is a better way to live.”
From Canada: “All I am right now is a shell of a woman with no direction. I have lost my spirit and my soul to the devil, and the devil being the machines. I ask you, Lord, to forgive me and heal me with your love and support.”
