I have been felled by a horrible flu! Too sick to even think about the many unanswered e-mails in my two online dating inboxes, I took to my bed with a box of Kleenex. In a feverish fog I suddenly remembered I had made a date for the next evening. We had had a great phone call the week before and I had been quite excited. But I had called to change our plans. He seemed fine about it and we made a date for a second try a few days later. But I had realized how sick I was and sadly had to call again to reschedule for the second time. I told him I’d call when fully recovered. So a week later I did. We made plans to grab a drink. Shortly after this conversation he sent me a message through the dating service to say he had re-read my profile and now didn’t see the chemistry, so he’d like to cancel our date. What chemistry?! We hadn’t even met. Isn’t it three strikes and you’re out? I guess in the dating world it’s only two.
January 28, 2011
January 24, 2011
I am single again. I have spent the appropriate time mourning the loss of my ex-boyfriend.
Well, I have done my share of different types of dating over the years. Fix ups, personal ads, speed dating.
But nothing works faster and makes you act like a kid in a candy store than a good dose of online dating. With so many sites to choose from, anyone can find the site that fits his or her style and budget.
There are the big players like eHarmony.com that make you fill out a questionnaire that takes at least 2 hours. It spends millions on TV advertising. I did the entire survey only to be “rejected!” What! Me, rejected!?
I tried repeating the process on three different e-mail accounts with slightly altered answers to see if it was because they thought I was “mentally deranged” or unfit to date, or just plain undesirable. And I still had no clue.
As a test, because someone told me that they are a Christian organization, I finally changed my religious selection from Jewish to Lutheran and lo and behold got accepted! Think what you like. That is the truth. Good-bye eHarmony!
Next on the list are paying sites for specific groups. An example: jdate.com.
This is a site I’ve joined before. They charge a monthly fee and you are swimming in the pool of your own kind. Jdate.com is very popular all over the US and Canada. In my past I have even found a 10-month boyfriend on jdate.com.
The bottom of the barrel in my mind is plentyoffish.com. This site is free. And from friends I have heard that it truly collects the “last resort” people you would want to meet.
With those decisions before me, I paid up my $39.99 on Jdate.com and started my search.
Searching is fun. It is like shooting fish in a barrel. Hundreds of guys come up. That’s the fun. But most don’t really fit the bill.
Here are some tips:
1. Do write a decent profile. If you can’t, get a friend to help you. Be interesting and don’t say you love to walk on the beach. Be funny and a little devilish. Don’t lie and say you are a skier if you are not. It will bite you in the $%&!
2. Read their profiles. Because you will find interesting tidbits of information in amongst the lies! And always check the height and weight. I for some reason always LOVE the profile of a guy who ends up being 140 pounds and 5’1″. It’s unreal how many times that has happened.
3. I know this seems obvious. But use pictures that are realistic. Pictures from 10 years ago just won’t do. Neither will pictures of you at a different weight. The guy is going to eventually meet you. And the jig is up!
4. Keep the e-mailing to a minimum. The biggest mistake I’ve ever made was to have a three-week e-mail exchange with someone. He seemed so witty, bright. I was falling for him.
When we finally met and he was a 5’4″ troll with a comb-over….well let’s just say things fell apart.
Make sure you e-mail once or twice and ask if he would like to call you. If he says yes, NEVER give your phone number. Always call him. Remember, you might think you know him, but basically you are giving your phone number to a complete stranger. And now with all access available online, he could find out where you live.
5. Meet for a coffee date. Trust me. A three-hour dinner with a fellow with a large boil on his forehead makes it difficult for you to enjoy your ravioli dinner. This is true. But it is not fun. And if your conversation dies out after the appetizer it is going to be a LONG evening.
Coffee dates are great. You’re in and out in a half hour. You can see and hear all about him…and then wait until he asks to see you again. No point in you bringing it up. Remember, if he’s interested, he’ll ask you out. Otherwise you will be waiting for a phone call you are never going to get.
6. If you do go on a next date – think about having dinner. Not a movie or a tobogganing date yet. You need to see if your conversation can go the distance. And go in your own car. I was once left stranded in the northern part of Toronto, when my date decided that he’d had enough of the evening. Went to use the phone and never came back. Seriously.
7. Keep it all light and breezy. Don’t go out on any of these online dates with plans for a future together. It’s a big ol’ ugly crapshoot. Sometimes it works and most times it’s…NEXT!