Blogs on More

A few years ago — and I remember because I was on mat leave — there was a series of articles about highly educated women who had left full-time work in order to raise children. The money question was: Would they be able to go back to work when they wanted to? Well here’s an idea - ask some women who are doing just that.

The Washington Post Magazine has: After 17 years out, can she land a job? Of course we here at More have some advice on how to re-enter the workforce.

On the same topic, Laura at 11d discusses creating your own on-ramp. One of the commenters asks the money question: How to advise our own daughters?

And on a somewhat (sadly) related note, Sarah Hampson interviews Barbara Budd about the end of her tenure at As It Happens over at the Globe and Mail.

In the spirit of “just doing it” I will post about how my work-life balancing act was blown last week.

My son had emergency surgery for a perforated appendix, which was scary enough on its own. (He is home now and recovering really well.) But it also meant that my husband and I had to go back to Toronto’s Sick Kids Hospital, which was where my daughter died, and so I found myself with a lot of really tough feelings.

In the past, I probably would have stuck with work a bit longer and stayed up later into the night trying to balance things. But I have learned a little something about that as I get older. First of all, I really am not as able to think when I’m tired as I used to be.

Second, I am not as essential as I hope I am; other people really can do my job, at least in a pinch.

And third, I have learned that eventually most everyone will have a life crisis that impacts her work.

With these things in mind, I did focus on my son until Monday and then worked in a reduced schedule kind of way this week. I did cry at work, but only once. Everyone here was amazingly supportive.

What have you learned about crises at work? What should I keep in mind going forward?

This weekend I went back to my old high school to hand out an award at their graduation ceremony (yes, it weirdly takes place in November). As a part of the proceedings I got to spend some time with the young man who was receiving the award and he shared a little bit with me about how torn he was about his chosen major. I wanted to tell him to relax; your major is not your future, even if it seems it is.

That made me feel old and wise, at least for about ten minutes. Hey, I’ll take it. I was already pondering my lack of Pulitzer, which I’d hoped to achieve before returning to my high school’s stage.

However - if there’s one thing I’ve absorbed in my position as More.ca’s web editor, it’s that reinvention is something we do over and over, and especially at midlife. Sometimes we do it because we want to, as Sylvie Rochette did when she turned her hobby into a business, and sometimes, as Lisa Fitterman explores in her piece Cheryl goes to the bank, we end up forced into a hiatus or a change by circumstances beyond our control.

But there’s no way to tell someone entering university not to take his courses too seriously, and besides: If it were my kid, I’d want him to be sweating out his choices with gravity and attention, especially during that first university year when you can switch majors more easily. So I refrained from advice-giving altogether. (Even if all throughout the ceremony I was awfully tempted to see if I could plug my iPod copy of Baz Lurmann’s Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen) into the speakers.) He’s young, smart, and officially award-winning. He’ll figure it out, at least to the extent anyone can.

This zen moment aside, here are some things-to-know from around the ‘net this Monday:
- Are you stopping your teen from growing up? (Globe and Mail)
- When the marriage ends before the renovation (go to Egypt?) (New York Times)
- Low levels of cholesterol may not be a great thing (National Post)

Share your advice or links to stories you’re reading in the comments!

As web editor I’m clearly on the computer - a lot. Sometimes I dream that I’m reading something online or typing.

So maybe that’s why the idea of owning a local tea shop appeals to me at times as a pipe dream - less time online, more time making watercress sandwiches.

Well, it seems I’m just trendy in this fantasy (where, by the way, my shop is fantasically successful and suppliers are always on time and so on and so forth) of doing something that involves more hand-type work.  I think some of this is just a “grass is greener” phenomenon - there’s a member of my extended family who managed to make the leap to white collar work as his midlife reinvention. But I also think there’s something soothing about turning off all the electronic ephemera and making something practical and solid.

It may also be giving one’s self permission to single-task.  A new study shows multitaskers may be the worst performers.

What’s your dream work?

Here’s a discussion that’s hitting the blogs this week: Former General Electric Co. Chief Executive Jack Welch had what some people are taking as pretty harsh words for women looking to take time off to care for kids or family, in his remarks for the Society for Human Resource Management at its annual conference. Via the Wall Street Journal, here’s the quote that’s got people talking:

“There’s no such thing as work-life balance,” Mr. Welch told the Society for Human Resource Management’s annual conference in New Orleans on June 28. “There are work-life choices, and you make them, and they have consequences.”

Mr. Welch said those who take time off for family could be passed over for promotions if “you’re not there in the clutch.”

Some of the response:

• “Perhaps if we stopped viewing these jobs as what we’re aspiring to reach, and begin seeing them as fool’s gold largely sought by folks with too narrow a conception of ambition, men and women who never reach the C suite would better count their blessings.” - Conor Friedersdorf at the Daily Dish
• “For many people though, they are willing to take that middle ground between workaholic and homemaker. There just has [sic] to be more opportunities to take that route.” - Laura at 11d. I particularly wanted to also note commenter stranger’s remark on that post: “Life-work balance, as an issue, becomes more important as you age, particularly if you have a family. College graduates, though, usually have no idea how miserable they will be in their mid- to late 30’s, if they choose the wrong career track.”
• “I regularly interview women for my show Give and Take who do have it all — they are mothers with high powered careers. These women are resolute, dedicated and supreme multi-taskers.” - Julie Menin at the Huffington Post

What’s my take? That it’s very individual and dependent on the industry and corporation involved - which is exactly why we need to share our stories, as women, of our ongoing reinventions through various stages of our life as we struggle to “have it all.” So don’t forget to comment or share your story in our View from her section.

Sure, I’ve read the stories of older women and younger coworkers.  At times, I’ve even drooled over the salacious details.  But never in a million years did I think I’d be the star in one of these little dramas.  If ever I doubted it before, I know now that there is definitely a case to be made that there is a great generational divide in the workplace.

I offer as evidence a recent road trip with a younger man – a 20-something client who’s the CEO of an up and coming software company.  For reasons I’m not too clear on (he’s too young to have a drivers license perhaps?), I was the driver.

Exhibit A
At the appointed day and time I pulled up in my silver Honda mini-van.  Spying my young traveling companion, I honked the horn and waved.  A strange look crossed his face, something between amusement and disgust that said, “You expect me to be seen in that?”  I felt like I do when I pick up my teenage daughter and her friends at the mall, old and embarrassed yet feeling put-upon to make small talk.

Exhibit B
For the first half of the trip, we drove and chatted about inconsequential things until I had to stop for what would be the first of many bathroom breaks.   Remarkably, my young friend declined to use the facilities.  Apparently there’s a world of difference in the bladder control capabilities of a 25 year-old man and a 47 year-old woman.

Exhibit C
My traveling companion kindly offered to drive the next leg of the trip so I handed him the keys and off we went.  Everything was fine until we were about 20 miles from our destination.  It was then he handed me his fancy iPhone and asked me to pull up the GPS and navigate him in.

Now I embrace technology as well as the next person:  I obsessively check my email and have even stalked an ex-boyfriend or two on Facebook.  But up until that moment, I had never used an iPhone before.  I managed to start the GPS but I couldn’t read a thing.   The map and road names were all so tiny – they just became a blur. I held the device at arms length then moved it slowly in and out, trying to find a focal point, but it was no use.  I vaguely wondered if I had reading glasses in my bag but was pretty sure there weren’t any.   So I did the only thing I could – I tried to fake it.

At first I looked at the other cars on the road, hoping I could spot a driver who looked like he might be going to the same place as us.  Perhaps we could follow.  I surreptitiously began glancing at road signs for something, anything that might point us in the right direction.  It was tough.  Should I gamble on “Denny’s, Next Exit”, or keep going to “Side Road Seven, 5 Km”?

Ultimately, my bladder made the decision.   I gave directions to take the Denny’s exit.

Exhibit D
By the time I returned from the restroom, my client had consulted the GPS and knew where we were going.  Off we went again.  I thought the worst of it was over until I felt a hot flash coming on.

I began fanning myself madly but I think he found it distracting and I worried my actions might get us in an accident.  I began peeling off layers of clothing but then thought better of it.  What if I sent the wrong message and he thought I was one of those wild, Cougar types?  It was time for the last resort.   Feigning car sickness, I rolled down the window and stuck my head and upper body as far out as I could.  Like a Golden Retriever that just loves car rides, I rode that way until we reached out destination.

In Conclusion
The trick in this generational mash-up is to not feel bad about getting older; remember who you are and be proud.  I may be a far-sighted, hot-flashing, incontinent middle-aged woman but at least I have my own car.

Editor-in-chief Linda Lewis will be appearing on CBC’s Steven & Chris show to discuss our web-exclusive article, 10 cheap ways to be happy. Be sure to tune in at 2 pm! I want to say something profound about saving money, but I am replete with long weekend prime rib ($3.99 a lb!).

Here’s a roundup of some other money-related links making headlines over the weekend:

• Bargains for those not holding onto their cash 
• The “last hurrah” vacation
• “Brown bag” couture

Slate is running this amazing feature on pictures of the recession. I love this so much - the historical capture; the personal story; the using art to record human struggle -  I’m going to steal the idea. If you have a picture that expresses something about the recession, email it to me at jgruden@more.ca. We may have a contest but if we do and you’ve emailed yours already, I’ll enter you automatically.

People who are subscribed to More.ca’s Twitter feed know that we posted about the IBM and CBC layoffs last week to invite those of you laid off to come find your tribe in our forums.

To everyone struggling with a layoff or being a survivor of a round, my thoughts to you. It’s very easy to say it’s an opportunity for change - which it is - but that doesn’t remove the very real struggle.  Let’s share our experiences.

This post is about to produce at least 7 days of bad editorial karma for this web editor, so keep an eye on our site and sign up for our newsletter because when I make that mistake, it’s sure to be a doozy.

However, Linda Lewis, editor-in-chief, and Brenda Thompson, copy editor, were laughing too loudly about this Globe and Mail typo this morning and we just had to share it:

What do you think about both this older scandal and the recent issue regarding Nortel bonuses when laid off workers aren’t receiving severance? Have you received a bonus this year?

Interesting op-ed piece in the New York Times this weekend: Is the recession actually just one element of a massive change in our lifestyle and its relationship to resources?

I have to admit that I’m half convinced (although not convinced that other parts of the world, like India and China, are about to repeat the mistake) that we really do need to change our relationship to stuff in order to move forward.

But I’ll admit I’m not looking at this issue without a lot of bias: I spent what felt like a really crazy amount of time this weekend sorting through my son’s - well - stuff.  His toys have evolved the capacity to breed, due (I’m sure) to his having been born into a family containing middle-aged parents further along in their earning years (guilty!) and grandparents with room in their budgets. And in case I haven’t worked in enough clichees yet, it’s also true that he spent a lot of time this weekend brandishing his ’sword’ made out of - yup - cardboard. From an old box.

I think I do personally have work to do in my patterns of consumption and priorities. I could get on board with this change - hopefully willingly. What about you?