Yes, it’s fair to say I’m a keener. The word has gotten such a bad rap in recent years but back in my high school days I saw nothing weird or wrong with completing assignments on time, eagerly answering questions (”Ooh, ooh, Mr. McNally Pick me!”) or using colour-coded markers to highlight key points in my textbooks.
What I don’t understand is how my teenage daughter has inherited none of my tendencies. She’s a bright enough child but for reasons unfathomable to me, she prefers to work to deadline rather than plunge into a project the day it is assigned. Occasionally this comes up and bites her in the butt and that’s when she comes to me.
Such was the case last Monday when she approached me while I was folding laundry. “Mom, I need help with my haiku,” she said. “Bless you. And cover your mouth when you sneeze,” I responded.
“No - haiku. A type of poetry? Three lines? Five, seven, five syllables? I don’t know what to write mine about.”
Well, neither did I but I was pleased at the thought of a scholastic challenge. I put down the sock whose mate I was vainly searching for and gave it some thought.
“Well let me see, honey. How about you write one about your everyday life?” I looked around. “If I was doing it, I could make it about . . . laundry.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s lame.”
Well, them’s fighting words to someone who got the “Miss Metaphor” Award in English five years running. “Let me give you an example,” I offered.
“I don’t like laundry
I really, really hate it
Wash your own damn socks”
I smiled at her triumphantly. She looked at me like she was seeing me for the first time and wasn’t keen on the image. “Yeah. Well thanks mom. I think I’ll just go do my math now.”
“Ahh, math, a very important subject. Do you know honey that math has all sorts of real life applications. Why just last week I was out for lunch with some of the girls from my book club and my math skills were put to the test. Here, see if you can solve this one.
“Three women go out for lunch together. Mary, who’s on a diet, has the house salad which costs $6.97. Betty, who should be on a diet, has the cheeseburger and fries for $7.50. She asks the waiter for gravy on her fries which costs an extra $.50. Carol orders the $4.99 soup and sandwich special but doesn’t eat anything because she just found out her husband is having an affair and is too upset to eat. The women share three bottles of wine at a cost of $26 per bottle plus a fourth bottle sent to their table from the cute guy at the bar who helps Carol get up when she falls down on her way to the washroom. At the end of the meal, how should the bill be divided between the three women, keeping in mind that:
a) Mary and Carol are really drunk and can’t write their names legibly on the VISA slip;
b) Betty has not only polished off her burger, she’s worked her way through Carol’s sandwich and the red onions in Mary’s salad and;
c) Carol has left with the cute guy at the bar in a desperate ploy to get revenge on her philandering husband.”
My daughter just shook her head and began walking away. Maybe I was being too tough on her. I softened. “Honey wait, I’ll get some paper and a calculator. We can work through this together.”
But she was gone. I sighed. I worry about kids these days. It’s obvious our school system isn’t preparing them for real life.
[P.S. Every now and then we run haiku contests through our More.ca twitter feed - follow us, write a haiku, and win.]
