Blogs on More

Around this time of year I am full into holiday planning - gifts, baking, and decorations galore. But I also have to start to watch my mood a little bit; I tend to be just a bit more easily upset and a little bit more volatile.

The reason? No matter how lucky I am overall — and I really am — I still end up getting just a little bit angry that my daughter never got the chance to experience the holidays. I’ve learned over the past 5 - 5! - years that respecting that loss is the best way for me to not blow up about the turkey; to set aside the time for a walk through the cemetery and give myself space be sad. It’s become just as much a part of the season as the eggnog.

And this experience, I’ve learned, is not that uncommon: death, divorce, family feuds all can come to the fore this time of year. Meanwhile, there’s a lot of pressure to be happy. Bah! Humbug!

So that’s why (I freely admit my bias) the press release for Bereaved Families of Ontario - Toronto sent me this week promoting their Tree of Light ceremony caught my eye. All the details are available at their site but the summary is: It’s quite a moving opportunity for families to remember their loved ones, and this year it’s at 6:30 p.m. Thursday December 3 at the Toronto City Hall Rotunda; you can also make a donation online.

For those not in Toronto or who can’t or don’t want to attend, I took the opportunity to interview Maureen Ford, Chair of BFO-Toronto, and Chandra Colbear, a volunteer grief facilitator, for their advice in dealing with the special challenges the holiday season brings for those who are grieving.

If you’ve got a reason to dread the holidays - loss, divorce, strife or just plain old not a fan of them - how do you handle it?

[Jenn’s note: Today’s guest blog is written by Monica Drexler (50 - yes, 50; check out the pics), sales director for More, She recounts her first cycling fundraiser – riding in Israel alongside war veterans. I thought today was the right day to share her experience with you. Just click on the thumbnails to get a better view of the thumbnails!]

I recently completed my first fundraiser cycle ride in Israel called “Courage In Motion” (Oct.19-23). It’s organized by Beit Halochem Canada Aid To Disabled Veterans Of Israel, which supports and helps to rehabilitate soldiers who have been wounded as well as citizens who are victims of terrorism. This was a chance for me to give back and at the same time participate in a sport that I love. I signed up with my boyfriend Paul who had done several of these fundraisers in the past. I envied the way he would return from these trips full of accomplishment.

I knew that I needed to train hard in order to complete the 300+ km route from Tel-Aviv To Eilat. When the day arrived to leave for the trip I started to feel a little anxious, not knowing what to expect. Would the rest of the 30 riders leave me in the dust? Would I be able to keep up with the pace? Would I remember to refill my fanny pack with tissue for emergency pee breaks?

When we arrived to meet our group, I was pleasantly surprised and relieved to hear that many riders felt the same way as I did, although there were a few elite cyclists ready to burn rubber.

Riding with vets
We had the privilege to cycle with remarkable war veterans. Although they each had their own personal story of tragedy they do not consider themselves as victims. They are strong, courageous and determined and they demonstrated each one of these qualities during our 5-day challenge. Their injuries quite often affected mobility of their legs and therefore they were equipped with 3 wheel bikes, requiring them to pedal with arm strength. These bikes were low to the ground and in 40 degree (Celsius!) weather the heat from the pavement would have been unimaginable yet they were unstoppable. This is the only event of its kind that incorporates a support system encouraging vets to participate; otherwise it is impossible for them to experience riding a bike outdoors - which we so easily take for granted.

I met Helen the second day of my ride. She had sustained her injuries from a suicide bomber while shopping one day. My initial reaction of feeling sad about her situation quickly changed to someone I looked to for inspiration. She handled her 3 wheel bike with ease and glided in front of me with confidence and pure core strength. She was one of many who gave me the strength to finish the 330 km challenge. Each one of these veterans is a hero in my mind and it was my privilege and honor to be able to ride along side with them.

Giving back feeds the soul but don’t underestimate the strength and drive of these survivors as we have much to learn from them.

I made many new friends on this trip and learned many life lessons and will be able to relive the wonderful memories at our Toronto reunion in a couple of weeks. As a group we raised $150,000 and hope to surpass this goal again next year! Maybe I’ll see you there?

To all my dear friends and family, thank you for your support…you each helped to make a difference.

I recently revamped my shopping habits overnight thanks to a new bylaw in Toronto: Retailers are now required to charge a minimum of 5 cents for every plastic bag. I had thought I was reasonably ecologically on the ball by using reuseable bags and plastic totes for groceries, but I’d never really considered it when it comes to purchases like clothing or shoes.

Of course saving the planet this way leads to new dilemmas like: Which bag to carry? And that brings us to ALDO’s  partnership with YouthAIDS and its 2009 ALDO Fights AIDS (AFA) campaign. ALDO’s world-class designers have created three collectible, limited-run reusable AFA Tote Bags to raise
money in support of YouthAIDS’ education and prevention programs in South Africa. The full story and more pics of the bags are available at ALDO’s website - you can even buy one online.  By purchasing a tote for only $10, you will help provide one young person with the information and tools he or she needs to be protected from HIV for up to one year. 100% of the net proceeds from the sale of the totes will go to help fund YouthAIDS programs in South Africa and worldwide.

Happily, I have two of the bags to give away as well, so here’s  the challenge: email me at jgruden@more.ca with your best shopping tip and you can win one - and your tips may be featured in a More.ca article a little closer to the holiday season.

Sometimes I catch a piece on another website that I wish we had on ours, and this one from the New York Times is one of them: Tales from the back of the closet. As someone who has a few items in her closet circa 1983 (I hear it’s coming back!) this one made me laugh.

If you get inspired to spend some time this long weekend going through your excess belongings, here’s something to consider: the Yard Sale for the Cure. You agree to hold a garage sale on May 30, pay $20 to register your sale (then it appears on the map on the site!), and donate all or a portion of the proceeds to breast cancer research. And don’t worry: you can register up until May 27, so you’re not too late.

You can shop as well… but let’s not tell my closet that.

I had a birthday this month and I totally appreciate the time and effort my friends and family put into the gifts they got me.  The only thing is that a few of the gifts are sitting on the bench in my home office, still.

They represent a lot of love and time and effort, and that’s what I like about them. But eventually they will be, in the euphemistic language of humane societies, rehomed.  And I’ll feel guilty all the way to the Goodwill drop-off. (Although my home’s groaning closets will be relieved.)

Maybe that’s why this new site caught my attention: Milestones for Miracles. It works like this - you sign up as a celebrant at the site and create a page for your milestone event, whether a birthday or an anniversary or some other - well - milestone.  Then you invite family and friends to donate to the cause (the Children’s Miracle Network) in lieu of gifts. They get a tax receipt and the donation is routed to the nearest hospital to you that’s part of the network.

I’m not quite sure where this is in the etiquette books; sometimes it seems to me that we are all just a little bit pushier online than we would be in person.

On the other hand, women at midlife have to be some of the most giving, best advocates going, and maybe this site is one way to channel that enery.  And as someone who avidly supports Toronto’s Sick Kids’ hospital, I’m into the cause for sure. If you sign up, let me know how it went! And whether you sign up or not feel free to comment away about how you would feel if you got an email from a friend for a site like this one.  

So, dear reader, I have a confession this morning. Despite being your fiercely Canadian editor, I have a hyphen in front of that Canadian and it is American-Canadian.

I have a love-hate relationship with my heritage. From working to eliminate my accent after teasing in kindergarten to hiding my taste for Velveeta cheese, it’s been a side of my character I’ve largely downplayed - especially during the last eight years of the George W. Bush administration.

But after yesterday’s inaugural speech and related festivities, I felt unusually proud of my heritage. And hopeful, for the US, for my sister who’s chosen to repatriate and tie her destiny to our neighbours to the south, and really for all of us who swim in the wake of the American experiment. So today, I’m proud to be an American-Canadian. I feel comfortable in my skin.

That sense of ease is something that struck me about Michelle Obama’s clothing and comportment. She comes across as a woman who is self-assured in her own right, not a “wife-of,” as one of our editors here put it in conversation this morning, but as herself.  And I know Jennifer Wells at the Globe and Mail disagrees, but I loved the white ballgown - I thought it was stylish and stately at the same time.

Also, the way she and Obama are looking at each other in the third picture in that slideshow is fierce. Let’s have a little hope today for change and renewal - qualities that midlife is so often about. What’s your reaction?

Also, check out the White House website and blog.

Update: Vanessa shared this fabulous link in the comments and I wanted to be sure it was front and centre: A couple in Chicago - a spin on the Obama love story.

I have to admit that as a child of the era of the love-in, I grew up looking at war stories with suspicion.

It’s not that I couldn’t appreciate the bravery of men - young men; getting younger every year, in fact, in my perception - who fought and died for freedom. It wasn’t that I didn’t have close members of my own family who had their own war stories to tell (or, in the male tradition, not tell.)

But I always felt a bit self-conscious in following the rites of remembrance on November 11.

I can’t say for sure what it was that changed all that for me. It might have been losing family and friends over the years; coming to understand loss in a more personal way. It might have been  September 11, 2001. It might be seeing images of young Canadians who have died in Afghanistan. And most recently, the kind of email I receive from my American cousin -  detailing the impact of a stomach bug on his unit in Iraq.

But whatever it is, every year it feels more real. I’m not sure this bodes well for the world, but I do want to post this today and acknowledge the very real and deep sacrifices Canadians have made in order to preserve and protect the way of life I enjoy every day. I’ll be spending a bit of time at the Canadian Virtual War Memorial today; if you have a minute to spare, you might want to check it out.

Just a quick public service announcement: buy a latte at Timothy’s World Coffee today and proceeds will be donated to Habitat for Humanity, as part of Timothy’s third LatteBené day.

“On LatteBené Day, our customers get more than the best-tasting latte around,” said George Michel, CEO for Timothy’s Coffees of the World, in a press release. “They also get the opportunity to help strengthen their community. We invite everyone to come out for a LatteBené and help build a home!”