I know that I should be over it all. “Move on,” my friends say! The truth is that even though I may be dating online and being set up by friends, sometimes the heart takes a while to heal. And there is nothing that stops the healing process more than “cyber investigating” your ex online.
My relationship was only just over a year long. But this was a man that had been in my life twice before. We dated for seven months 10 years ago. And when I moved back to Toronto after a few years in Vancouver, we went on a few dates. He came back into my life as a real boyfriend in June 2009. So this time the break-up was especially hard.
As I try to get over him, I have tried a number of things. I joined some online dating sites as I’ve mentioned previously. I also joined some dating activity sites, like Eligible Social Club to keep me busy while my heart mended.
I also undertook some unhealthy behaviours that I urge you to avoid.
Googling and trying to find your ex’s profile on dating sites or seeing who he has “friended” on Facebook is just plain silly. It’s not good for your self-esteem, and it was certainly painful when I came across my ex’s profile on a dating site and I looked at it. He had used many of the things we had said to each other in private as a “call out” to women on his profile. Eek!
Not helpful in the ability to move on.
When it comes to Facebook, I suggest you remove him and all his friends from your friend list. I know it’s hard. But seeing the parties you missed or the dinners you weren’t at does not help in the “moving on” process.
After a few views of him at a birthday, smiling happily with the old gang, I gave up and removed him as a friend. He wasn’t a friend any longer. I seemed to be the only one that hadn’t realized it.
What I have learned is after a break-up, searching online cannot provide closure of any kind. Pretend it’s the 80s, when after you broke up you never heard anything about him again! That seems to help.
My new rules
• No Googling his name
• No checking out his Facebook page. Just delete him as a friend
• No searching him on dating sites, just to see when he was last online
• No e-mailing him about anything. You know the answer to everything already! It’s over
• No texting “just to see how he is.” You know how he is. He’s fine
Use online services to help you instead of hurt you, and you’ll start moving on quicker than you think.