Blogs on More

Here’s a discussion that’s hitting the blogs this week: Former General Electric Co. Chief Executive Jack Welch had what some people are taking as pretty harsh words for women looking to take time off to care for kids or family, in his remarks for the Society for Human Resource Management at its annual conference. Via the Wall Street Journal, here’s the quote that’s got people talking:

“There’s no such thing as work-life balance,” Mr. Welch told the Society for Human Resource Management’s annual conference in New Orleans on June 28. “There are work-life choices, and you make them, and they have consequences.”

Mr. Welch said those who take time off for family could be passed over for promotions if “you’re not there in the clutch.”

Some of the response:

• “Perhaps if we stopped viewing these jobs as what we’re aspiring to reach, and begin seeing them as fool’s gold largely sought by folks with too narrow a conception of ambition, men and women who never reach the C suite would better count their blessings.” - Conor Friedersdorf at the Daily Dish
• “For many people though, they are willing to take that middle ground between workaholic and homemaker. There just has [sic] to be more opportunities to take that route.” - Laura at 11d. I particularly wanted to also note commenter stranger’s remark on that post: “Life-work balance, as an issue, becomes more important as you age, particularly if you have a family. College graduates, though, usually have no idea how miserable they will be in their mid- to late 30’s, if they choose the wrong career track.”
• “I regularly interview women for my show Give and Take who do have it all — they are mothers with high powered careers. These women are resolute, dedicated and supreme multi-taskers.” - Julie Menin at the Huffington Post

What’s my take? That it’s very individual and dependent on the industry and corporation involved - which is exactly why we need to share our stories, as women, of our ongoing reinventions through various stages of our life as we struggle to “have it all.” So don’t forget to comment or share your story in our View from her section.

Remember Elizabeth Wurtzel’s 1994 tell-all memoir Prozac Nation: Young and Depressed in America? Well the author’s 41 now and recently published an equally eyebrow-raising piece in Elle: “Failure to Launch: When Beauty Fades.” Here’s a quote:

“Age is a terrible avenger. The lessons of life give you so much to work with, but by the time you’ve got all this great wisdom, you don’t get to be young anymore. And in this world, that’s just about the worst thing that can happen—especially to a woman.”

Oh, girl. We have got to get you a subcription to More. First piece on the list: Kim Pittaway’s A lady never tells.

It’s not that I don’t get mourning the freshness of youthful beauty - I’m still not at peace with my post-pregnancy body. But there’s so much more to life.  What do you think?

So what does make us happy? Dr. Valiant has been a long time director of a Harvard research study that has examined this question for 72 years, following men who entered college in the late 1930s through war, career, marriage, divorce, parenthood, grandparenthood, and old age. Read the full article on Atlantic.com here, but a video of the director speaking about happiness is below. (Hat tip to Laura at 11D.)

Now that women over 40 are the hot new thing, I’m afraid to leave to the house lest a sex-starved college boy be lurking behind my rose bushes, waiting to seduce me.  So far the only thing I’ve seen back there is the Rakowski’s poodle doing her business but I know it’s just a matter of time.

It started when the marketing types figured out that we control the purse strings.  Suddenly we couldn’t pick up a magazine or turn on the television without seeing an ad telling us know how smart, sexy and confident we are.

At first I kept looking over my shoulder, certain they must be talking about someone else.  “Who?  Me?” I wanted to ask.  But the messages continued, assuring me that 40 is the new 25.

Well, who am I to argue with all these smart advertising men.  If they say we’re smart and sexy then gosh, I guess we are.  Though I do think my friend Audrey took the message too much to heart when she went to that southern resort last winter.  I don’t care how sexy we are, a 200 lb. woman who’s had three C-sections should not be wearing a bikini on a public beach. And then there was poor Dorothy, newly divorced and trying to get back in the dating scene.  I told her to lie about her age when she filled in her LavaLife profile but oh no, she had to be honest and put down 45.  Well, she couldn’t keep up with all the responses she got from 20 year-old guys wanting to meet her.

After all, dating a cougar is the latest must-have status symbol. ”I really don’t enjoy dating these guys,” Dorothy told me.  “They treat me like some Sugar Mamma, always expecting me to pick up the cheque.  And then there’s the sex thing.  Not only do they assume my hormones make me want it all the time, they think my age and experience means I can teach them all kinds of tricks.  My ex and I did buy a copy of the Kama Sutra once but we had only gotten to the second position before the dog chewed it.  And by then, the kids had come along and we were so tired that we just never bothered learning anything new after that. ”

And now, thanks to Susan Boyle, things have gotten even harder.  It’s not enough to be a middle-aged woman, we have to be middle-aged women with a talent.  Suddenly everyone’s looking at us, expecting us to do something, like we might burst into song or dance at any moment.  I feel immense pressure to go out and take voice lessons, or maybe tap, so I can impress the check-out girl at the grocery store.  I just can’t bear the thought of disappointing everyone when they learn that my hobbies include scrapbooking and reading Harlequin Romances.  Interesting, yes, but the stuff of reality shows?  I think not.

How I long for the days when I was simply invisible and could let myself go.  I just didn’t know how good I had it back then.  But I’ll play by the new  rules  and keep up my gym membership; reinvent myself as a life coach and flaunt my beauty to the cougar hunters at the bar.  I just hope pop culture’s pendulum swings soon and people get on to some other hot new thing.  Like middle-aged men. 

Okay, this bit of insight doesn’t come from an over-40 woman, but I think this rant in today’s Globe and Mail, from yoga instructor Paul McQuillan, is worth an honourary membership in the More club. The money quote:

“I want to not recycle and feel okay with that choice.

I want to see where I can easily make a difference in someone’s life by spending an hour with him or her, and then choose to go to a movie by myself instead.

I want to stop any kind of physical fitness. Yoga. The gym. I want out. I want to revel in the inane simplicities of laziness.”

Oh, I hear you. Today anyway. Tomorrow, time to change the world.

A new study shows no difference in math scores between boys and girls up through 11th grade. While I can’t say I find this especially surprising, it does make me a little wistful about my own education. And I wonder whether it is really different today - it must be if the girls are performing so well, right?

What’s your experience? Were you ‘turned off’ math because you were a girl? Are your daughters finding a difference?