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This week, I am bewitched by a book I found in a friend’s giveaway pile called The Art of Eating In: How I Learned to Stop Spending and Love the Stove by Cathy Erway, in which a young New Yorker eschews eating out in favour of making every meal in her tiny kitchen for two years.

Two years?! I can’t even go two weeks without eating out. Friday is spicy butter chicken night, with fluffy basmati rice and the most gorgeous airy naan I have ever placed on my tastebuds. On Tuesday or Wednesday, we’ll eat gloriously sticky ribs or a tender brisket sandwich from a hopping new BBQ place down the street from me. Over the weekend I usually get thick Thai pad sew noodles, and I’m not too picky where they come from either.

A decade ago, ironically with an inferior kitchen and shoddier knife skills, I cooked far more than I do now. I had weekly dinner parties with lots of cheap wine and pasta. Yet eventually it started to feel like drudgery, my workday grew ever longer, and I moved to a neighbourhood full of restaurants and takeout joints. A perfect recipe for eating out three times a week was thus created. But now that I’m back at the gym, it seems fitting I should try and cut down on these salty, fat-laden (but delicious) delights, right? So here I go. I’m going to see if I can cook-in, like Cathy Erway, for two weeks.

My question for all of you out there is, do you feel like you eat out too often?

And I’ll leave you with this recipe, which has been something of a surprise hit on More.ca:
Citrus Chickpea Salad with Parsley

Happy weekend!
-Helen

Looking at my running shoes collecting dust in the basement, yesterday I thought to myself, This is it. I’m going to the gym today. And so I packed up my Pumas and off I went, back to the neighbourhood YMCA that I haven’t visited in two long years.

I got on the treadmill and was pleasantly surprised that I could not only remember how to use it, I could still change tracks on my iPod while adjusting the incline. Now that’s what I call cross-training. After a few minutes of trotting along, I floored it and started huffing and puffing along with my fellow treadmill runners who looked like they were training for marathons.

At best I’ve always been a reluctant exerciser. You’d find me at the gym three times a week to maintain my weight and a modicum of cardiac health rather than from a desire to enjoy the endorphin rush you get from a killer workout. After I had my son a few years ago, I returned to the gym a few times, then not at all as the months trickled by.

But yesterday I turned a corner. As I was running like a lunatic, arms swinging, I suddenly felt great — like I was going to fly. Why had I been gone for so long? I have many excuses, but they all seem pretty flimsy. So I’m going back, for the first time in my life because I like the way it feels, rather than because I “should.”

How about you? What’s the longest you’ve avoided the gym? Do you go because you enjoy it, or for your health?

-Helen

Over on our Facebook page, I posted the question “Would you like to be 25 again? Why or why not?” And the consensus was, not surprisingly: No. Here were some of the comments…

Janise F. said “Oh Lord, no! I wouldn’t trade my wrinkles, my wisdom and my contentment to be 25 again. I am 46 and I love it!”

Jayne H. said “No, not 25. But I wouldn’t mind being in my thirties again and knowing what I know in my fifties.”

Anne L. said “No, if you mean a rerun of where I was then ( a single mom, raising two girls). But maybe if you mean now, I’d say ‘no’ too.”

Cath G. said “No way. Except for being able to sleep as much as I want. I fear that’s gone for good.”

There was only one individual who admitted to wanting to be 25 again, and her reason was pretty sweet:
“Some days I would [like to be 25 again]. I would try and find my current boyfriend then so we could have a longer life together. Not that I am complaining about meeting him later in life,” said Lorie C.

For my part, I wouldn’t want to be 25 again. I was in the middle of an ugly “quarter-life crisis.” Underemployed, in a job that fueled neither my intellect or my soul. But I will admit to this: I miss my forehead. I had a really crease-free forehead. Other than that, life is better in this skin.

How about you? Would you like to turn back time or are you happy where you are now?

-Helen

I know that I should be over it all. “Move on,” my friends say! The truth is that even though I may be dating online and being set up by friends, sometimes the heart takes a while to heal. And there is nothing that stops the healing process more than “cyber investigating” your ex online.

My relationship was only just over a year long. But this was a man that had been in my life twice before. We dated for seven months 10 years ago. And when I moved back to Toronto after a few years in Vancouver, we went on a few dates. He came back into my life as a real boyfriend in June 2009. So this time the break-up was especially hard.

As I try to get over him, I have tried a number of things. I joined some online dating sites as I’ve mentioned previously. I also joined some dating activity sites, like Eligible Social Club to keep me busy while my heart mended.

I also undertook some unhealthy behaviours that I urge you to avoid.

Googling and trying to find your ex’s profile on dating sites or seeing who he has “friended” on Facebook is just plain silly. It’s not good for your self-esteem, and it was certainly painful when I came across my ex’s profile on a dating site and I looked at it. He had used many of the things we had said to each other in private as a “call out” to women on his profile. Eek!

Not helpful in the ability to move on.

When it comes to Facebook, I suggest you remove him and all his friends from your friend list. I know it’s hard. But seeing the parties you missed or the dinners you weren’t at does not help in the “moving on” process.

After a few views of him at a birthday, smiling happily with the old gang, I gave up and removed him as a friend. He wasn’t a friend any longer. I seemed to be the only one that hadn’t realized it.

What I have learned is after a break-up, searching online cannot provide closure of any kind. Pretend it’s the 80s, when after you broke up you never heard anything about him again! That seems to help.

My new rules

• No Googling his name
• No checking out his Facebook page. Just delete him as a friend
• No searching him on dating sites, just to see when he was last online
• No e-mailing him about anything. You know the answer to everything already! It’s over
• No texting “just to see how he is.” You know how he is. He’s fine

Use online services to help you instead of hurt you, and you’ll start moving on quicker than you think.

It’s snowing where I am, and that means it’s a great day for drinking piping hot tea and catching up on some must-read articles. I’ve found these in the More.ca archives, and if you’re snowed in and have time to spare, you might want to check them out too.

But before I get to them, I want to invite you to “Like” our Facebook page (here’s the link) and join in our fun, sometimes silly conversations (sample topic: Why are we still lying to our moms?). Also, don’t forget to vote for the Reader’s Choice portion of the Firsts after 40 contest. If you’re on Twitter, come see what Linda Lewis has to say by following @more_ca, while I usually pipe in with a link to a new or provocative online article.

More.ca articles you don’t want to miss:
How to get a second opinion from a doctor
Do you suffer from imposter syndrome?
Girlfriend Getaway at Lake Louise

-Helen, More.ca editor

We’ve read your amazing Firsts after 40 entries, narrowed them down, and now it’s time to vote on the 100 online finalists for the Reader’s Choice Prize portion of the contest. (See the rules for a refresher on the details.)

Voting is easy, and you can vote on more than one finalist. Just read these inspiring entries, find one or more you think should get your vote, and click the stars above above the entrant’s photo. The more stars you award them, the more you like the entry.

Vote here…and spread the word!