I felt like a subject in an extreme cognitive behaviour experiment, someone who’s thrown into a foreign environment and is forced to figure out a whole new set of survival skills pronto if there’s any hope of making it out alive; or a head trauma patient who’s just coming-to after being kept in a medically-induced coma for the past decade; or Mrs. (Lovey) Howell realizing that coconut milk doesn’t “just come” in crystal glasses with little umbrellas propped in for presentation.
I was under no illusions when I started back to school. I suspected I would be the oldest student there and was prepared for the challenge of getting into the rhythm of reading textbooks and writing.What I didn’t expect was feeling like Paris Hilton being asked to clean up pig manure on The Surreal Life. I didn’t expect the cold and unforgiving smack in the face telling me that there’s a whole other world out there – one that has gone on without me while I got older and busied myself raising kids.I thought I’d been keeping up, that I wasn’t like “the other moms” who cooked and cleaned and were overly invested in their children. Anyone who knows me can tell you what a crappy cook I am. And don’t I watch Peter Mansbridge at 10 every night? I generally spend my days reading and having enlightening discussions with my friends (“You got that at Winners? Do they have any left?”), and, while I adore my kids, I’m careful not to live my life through them. (“I don’t care if Sasha’s mom home schools her. Not only do you need to be with other children but Mommy’s busy with her own life. Now get to school. I’m going to be late for my manicure.”)
So when Mommy took her own life back to school and enrolled in a course at a local university, I didn’t think it would take me that long to get up to speed. Mommy was mistaken.
My new “peers” – all in their early twenties – and I tried to find common ground. The usual “Do you have children”, “Are both your parents still living”, “Did your husband get a good severance package when he was laid-off from his senior management job” just wouldn’t work.
Even more generic things – What kind of a car do you drive? (they don’t own cars); Do you hate the sky-high property taxes we’re forced to pay? (they don’t own property); What’s your favourite TV show (them: Gossip Girl, me: Sex and The City reruns) – didn’t work. I had more in common with the Registration Ladies than I did with my fellow students.
I’ve got another class tonight and I suspect I’ll once again be stunned by just how much I don’t know. But there is an upside. Isn’t it great to still have so much to learn at my age? And hey, maybe I have a thing or two to offer to “the kids” in the class. Maybe I can give them a ride home.
I had a birthday this month and I totally appreciate the time and effort my friends and family put into the gifts they got me. The only thing is that a few of the gifts are sitting on the bench in my home office, still.
They represent a lot of love and time and effort, and that’s what I like about them. But eventually they will be, in the euphemistic language of humane societies, rehomed. And I’ll feel guilty all the way to the Goodwill drop-off. (Although my home’s groaning closets will be relieved.)
Maybe that’s why this new site caught my attention: Milestones for Miracles. It works like this - you sign up as a celebrant at the site and create a page for your milestone event, whether a birthday or an anniversary or some other - well - milestone. Then you invite family and friends to donate to the cause (the Children’s Miracle Network) in lieu of gifts. They get a tax receipt and the donation is routed to the nearest hospital to you that’s part of the network.
I’m not quite sure where this is in the etiquette books; sometimes it seems to me that we are all just a little bit pushier online than we would be in person.
On the other hand, women at midlife have to be some of the most giving, best advocates going, and maybe this site is one way to channel that enery. And as someone who avidly supports Toronto’s Sick Kids’ hospital, I’m into the cause for sure. If you sign up, let me know how it went! And whether you sign up or not feel free to comment away about how you would feel if you got an email from a friend for a site like this one.
Given Jay Teitel’s piece this week about women suffering the ill effects of email more than men — and I am feeling it today! — I’m not sure I should be telling you how to get more delivered to you. But this one’s a keeper: DailyLit lets you read books in small doses, delivered to your email box at the time and on the days you request. Sounds like great coffee break - or morning commute - material to me.
I’m starting with Anna Karenina.
Thanks to Kat Tancock for the heads up.
I’m a sucker for co-housing stories; there’s something about people choosing to share living space in non-traditional ways (at least, non-traditional where North American society is concerned) that fascinates me.
This piece on the New York Times website examining a gorgeous loft (purchased for a cool 3.1 million) where two women have designed space to share while maintaining their own individual styles and needs for privacy is pretty nifty. Although this particular mode of home-sharing is very New York fantasy to me, I can definitely see the appeal of moving in with a friend. In theory. In practice - I’m not so sure. Would you, if your other living arrangments suddenly up and vanished, invest in a shared home with a girlfriend?
News from the UK: After divorce, men become richer. Isn’t that what Tricia Walsh Smith was trying to say in her YouTube video gone viral last year?
It’s not just wealth women lose in divorce, however. This month More.ca’s Deborah Moskovitch muses on divorce’s collateral damage - the extended relationships that can become lost during a separation. And if you’re in the Toronto area and finding yourself in the midst of divorce, don’t miss the opportunity to attend one of her February workshops - the scoop’s available right here.
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I’m pleased to let you know that contributing editor K. Jill Rigby is going to be providing exclusive travel articles, occasional blog posts, and even some live Q&As on the site! Here’s a bit about Jill:
Before joining More, she was an editor for Cottage Life magazine and, previous to that position, she was the Travel Editor for the Toronto Sun for 15 years where she was responsible for assembling a bi-weekly travel section read by more than three-quarter million people. In addition, she penned a weekly column and ran regular feature stories on her travels around the world that were illustrated with her own photographs. She’s visited every continent and lost count of the number of countries she has profiled.
As a travel expert, she made frequent appearances on Canada AM, CBC Newsworld, and countless other shows that often integrated travel segments into their programming. She was also chosen to host a short film on Toronto that was shown in hotel rooms throughout the city.
She’s also cleverly decided to spend the winter months in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. And she’s telling you how to do it today on More.ca!
Welcome, Jill!
I know this is a time of crunching credit and reigning in spending, but surely there is some way I can justify my overwhelming need to own an 18k gold mirrored compact embedded with diamonds and green quartz?
Anyone? Hello? Bueller?
My sparkly crush comes courtesy of the jewellers Carelle. They designed the mirror exclusively for L’Oreal, who have a tradition of gifting Hollywood’s fairest ladies during the awards season.
All ten actresses nominated in the Drama and Musical/Comedy categories at the Golden Globes were lucky recipients of this high quality swag, (which means More’s latest cover star, Emma Thompson, has one.)
Since I was bizarrely overlooked for a Globes nomination this year, I’ll have to go to plan B. Ebay.com has one up for grabs; it’s expected to fetch close to $1,800 US.
Okay, plan C: I’m going to pick up this Moroccan Sunrise Compact Mirror from Sephora instead. It’s under $25, and it’s perfect for practicing my “I’m just grateful to have been nominated” face.
Meryl Streep, 59, landed her 15th Oscar nomination, for her leading actress role in Doubt, this morning. The actress broke her own record for most Academy Award nominations, so hats off to her.
Other women over 40 who were nominated: Melissa Leo for leading actress in Frozen River; writer-director Courtney Hunt for best original screenplay for Frozen River as well; Viola Davis for best supporting actress in Doubt, Marisa Tomei for best supporting actress in The Wrestler, and we’ll give a nod to Taraji P. Henson for best supporting actress in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button even though she’s not quite over 40 yet.
The complete list is right here.
Do you rush out to see nominated films so you can dish at award time?
So, dear reader, I have a confession this morning. Despite being your fiercely Canadian editor, I have a hyphen in front of that Canadian and it is American-Canadian.
I have a love-hate relationship with my heritage. From working to eliminate my accent after teasing in kindergarten to hiding my taste for Velveeta cheese, it’s been a side of my character I’ve largely downplayed - especially during the last eight years of the George W. Bush administration.
But after yesterday’s inaugural speech and related festivities, I felt unusually proud of my heritage. And hopeful, for the US, for my sister who’s chosen to repatriate and tie her destiny to our neighbours to the south, and really for all of us who swim in the wake of the American experiment. So today, I’m proud to be an American-Canadian. I feel comfortable in my skin.
That sense of ease is something that struck me about Michelle Obama’s clothing and comportment. She comes across as a woman who is self-assured in her own right, not a “wife-of,” as one of our editors here put it in conversation this morning, but as herself. And I know Jennifer Wells at the Globe and Mail disagrees, but I loved the white ballgown - I thought it was stylish and stately at the same time.
Also, the way she and Obama are looking at each other in the third picture in that slideshow is fierce. Let’s have a little hope today for change and renewal - qualities that midlife is so often about. What’s your reaction?
Also, check out the White House website and blog.
Update: Vanessa shared this fabulous link in the comments and I wanted to be sure it was front and centre: A couple in Chicago - a spin on the Obama love story.
I’m sorry but enough is enough. First, we all had to dye our hair or risk being the only mother in the schoolyard who looked like our children’s grandmother. Next it was Botox and filler. If we couldn’t bounce a nickel off our foreheads we were obviously letting ourselves go. But the latest “must have” item is taking midlife peer pressure to an extreme – I’m talking about the Facebook profile.
Do I get my hair and make-up done and take a really hot picture of myself so I look in the same league as my friends who’ve obviously had their pictures retouched. (Or, more importantly, in case my ex-boyfriend from university looks me up?) Or do I go for a more casual shot like the one of me with the loopy but endearing smile taken at the cottage last summer following one too many cocktails on the dock? How do I accurately depict my Relationship Status and why can’t I select both “Married” and “It’s Complicated”?
And why do I agonize for hours to come up with a witty, clever and impressive response to a friend request before giving up and tapping in my usual, mundane, “Yes, I’ll be your friend.” It’s gotten to the point that I begin to sweat each time I see a new message in my Inbox telling me someone wants to be my friend. Enough with the friends!
If we don’t all stop upping the ante and turning our online networks into the cyber equivalent of a high-brow cocktail party I see only one alternative – to hire a Facebook profile stylist.
