What happened to me
I picked up some new drinking glasses at the grocery store last spring. I was tired of the mismatched glasses I had been using for years. These were a pretty translucent blue, and were only a dollar each. I bought eight.
One day in July I reached into the cupboard for a glass. I reached past the new blue ones and took a dishwasher-faded glass with trace remains of a geometric pattern. As I filled it with water I was hit by an ah-ha moment. I never took a blue glass, unless there was no other choice. Why? I gave them to my kids, my visitors. Why wasn't I using them?
Until that moment it wasn't a conscious choice, I just left the nicer ones to the next person who needed a glass. I wasn't fussy, it's just a glass. But I suddenly saw the unconscious choice I was making: I was choosing to give myself less, second best, even while I chose the best for others. And I was the one who had liked the glasses in the first place.
What I learned
I started to see where I was doing this in other areas of my life. Little things. But if I wouldn't allow myself the little things, no wonder I felt stuck in the big things. I realized I'd never allow myself the time to reach my writing goals, or my weight loss goals if I didn't even allow myself a blue glass.
What I wish I'd known then
Once I was aware, I made a real effort to change. It wasn't hard to make these little changes, no one but me noticed. I just stopped always taking the last shower and having only lukewarm water. I stopped automatically taking the piece of cake that fell apart or the muffin that slightly burned. My life hasn't completely transformed; but I've started to make room in my life for my bigger goals, and begun to believe I deserve them.
And whenever I have a choice, I reach for the blue glass.
